OH FOR BLOG'S SAKE...

I feel it's only fair to warn you, this blog has no one topic. If you make it past this sentence, you must be very bored indeed...

I dunno what it's like in your neck of the woods, but for the past several weeks, gas prices have been plummeting like crazy. I drove past a gas station today where it was like $1.79 a gallon (for some reason I've become fascinated by gas prices... I follow them the same way some people follow baseball).

But what's extra-super-fascinating-supersized-with-a-side-of-fries is how many companies are still running ads on television, radio and newspapers that make reference to 'soaring gas prices.'

These companies spent MILLIONS to create ads designed to scare people into buying into their services because, after all, "...gas prices just keep going up - but WE'RE HAVING A SALE! So you can make up for the 'pain at the pump' by saving with OUR (fill in product or service here)!"

It just makes me wonder if a lot of middle management types are scrambling to make up statistics to make it seem as though it was worth investing truckloads of money into ads that HINGE on 'soaring gas prices' now that they're falling. Ah, to be a fly on the wall at some of those board meetings...

Ah well...

My XBOX360 is kaput, which sucks because we also use it as our DVD player. The good news is, it's under warranty... the bad news is, it'll take about 3 weeks to get it repaired.

But - see - look how spoiled I am! Lots of people had their homes engulfed in flames recently and here I am complaining about my precious broken toy. I am now filled with shame.

It's my hope that - with everything that's going on in the world today - perhaps this will be a holiday season where everyone sort of takes a step back and realizes what's really important in life. I know that sounds corny, but I get very corny around the holidays.

Anyway, that's all I feel like babbling about for the time being... I hope this blog finds you in well.

Enjoy the above goblins. They love you.

WHY STAR WARS IS COOL: Episode Two

It just IS, dammit!

WHY 'STAR WARS' IS COOL - Episode One (of a quadrillion episode series)

Much to my own shock, I actually have a few minutes to spend on something other than work, and so I have chosen to indulge by 'blogging' about how cool 'Star Wars' is. Tragic, isn't it? Oh well... my thoughts on the current state of the presidential race will have to wait...

I'd like to challenge you (by 'you' I mean the four people who read this blog regularly) to think about your life before 'Star Wars' (later appropriately re-released as 'Star Wars - Episode 4: A New Hope'). Seriously... think about it for a moment. Think about the period in your life when there simply wasn't anything called 'Star Wars.'

Now think about your life AFTER seeing it for the first time.

It changed you a little bit, didn't it? It got you excited... it rallied your imagination...

Now, maybe you're one of those people who believes that every sequel/prequel after 'The Empire Strikes Back' was a dud (I have yet to hear someone denounce 'Empire' as anything other than sheer genius... so we shan't bother speculating on the possibility that someone out there feels that way)... I'm not out to argue your opinions of the other movies, comics, cartoons, the 'Holiday Special' or any other of the branches of the 'Star Wars' franchise. You are entitled to your opinions and I respect that.

But what you MUST admit is that 'Star Wars' is really friggin' cool.

Even if you loved the first movie but HATED all of the others, the reason you probably hate them is because the first one was so friggin' cool that it ALTERED you... you had been brought into this whole new fantastical world and it got you excited about a bunch of people, creatures, planets, weapons and stuff that AREN'T REAL.

Now take a moment and think about how amazing that is.

Real life can't be beat. Real life is awesome. Real life is filled with so much adventure and drama that there really is no 'need' for fiction at all. Thus, the fact that something that is utterly made-up (and on many levels absurd) can affect anyone to the degree that 'Star Wars' has is nothing short of astonishing.

'Star Wars' inspired me to draw a lot as a child (see the above illustration - drawn in kindergarden, this is a scan of an actual 'ditto' of the original)... this led me to get into animation... this led me to come to L.A. where I met the love of my life and got married... y'see what I mean by 'Star Wars' having an 'affect'? There are probably only a small handful of stimuli that have had a truly profound influence on where I have steered my life's course (among them, of course, are less whimsical elements like family, friends, religion, etc.). I'm sorry if I'm beating this point into the ground, but the fact that a wonky little film about robots and space-ships can have such a great influence is, to me, incredibly cool.

And, if you will forgive my presumption here, I don't think I'm the only one in the past 30-something years who was affected in such a way by it.

An undeniable, traceable, permanent affect... that's GOT to put 'Star Wars' in the category of "great art" doesn't it?

And, yes, it's become a gajillion-dollar franchise and all that... some of it is good, some of it is horrible... but it doesn't erase the original affect. Not for me anyway.

My point is, 'Star Wars' is really, really, really cool.

P.S. I wrote this while sipping ice-water out of a vintage 1977 Coca-Cola/Burger King glass (thanks, Leigh!) with Chewbacca on it.

WINE AND DINE SNOB IS BORN!

From the desk of Leigh:

Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting Kelly Cook, founder of and editor for
the snob empire, (www.bagsnob.com, www.jewelsnob.com, www.totsnob.com,
www.beautysnob.com) and we got to talking about food – and lo and behold, we
have birthed the latest addition to the snob empire...
http://wineanddinesnob.blogspot.com

More reviews forthcoming folks – and no, they won’t all be scathing. This is
merely a coincidence. Kelly got food poisoning at London - and my experience at
Ciudad was just far less than great, period.

My review of Bond St. is pretty positive - you'll see. We’re just waiting on
pretty photos from their camp.

We have four editors on-board - who will be scouring the states for delectable
delights - and sharing the good, the bad and the ugly with you - including Kelly
Cook, Eva, (Kelly's East-Coast-Based sister) Dan Dunn, (the Imbiber and
Contributing Editor to Maxim and its Sirius radio program, Playboy and AM New
York - and possibly others I'm unaware of and the man gets paid to drink too,
which is just plain remarkable) and finally - little ol' me.

There will also be occasional 'napkin art' illustrations (shown above)
by my husband John to captureany visual uniqueness we come across.

Between the four of us, we will undoubtedly have differing perspectives of the
same place(s) from time-to-time and will therefore be reviewing restaurants as
often as we see fit.

So, enjoy... and please visit the other snob sites too!

Sincerely,

Leigh Hope Fountain, (Self-Proclaimed Food Critic Extraordinaire)

HOT MEXICAN LOVE NUMERO OCHO!

That's right, amigos and amigas... HOT MEXICAN LOVE COMICS #8 is out there and ready for your dineros! It features a story in rhyme that is - for the third time - written by my lovely wife Leigh and illustrated in my "anti-slick" style.
This particular story brings our "water trilogy" (i.e. three stories about the unique properties of Mexican water) to a bombastic, zombie-filled conclusion.
Need a taste? Here's yer taste:

Now if that's not enough to get your PayPal or credit card jamming on over to the HMLC web site and ordering a hundred copies then I just can't help you. Oh wait - yeah I can... here's the link:

http://www.hotmexicanlovecomics.com/

Also, check out the blog for ComiCon appearances and updates:

http://hotmexicanlovecomics.blogspot.com/

And while you're at it, shouldn't you complete your collection of our books, paintings and other merchandise at:

http://fountainspenproductions.blogspot.com/
http://fountainspen.deviantart.com/

Okay... enough plugging and pitching... JUST BUY STUFF, OKAY?! SHEESH...
Oh - and enjoy the comic!

OFFENSENSITIVITY

It never fails to amaze me how easily offended people are over the dumbest, most benign things imaginable.

No, I'm not talking about the political cartoon from the cover of The New Yorker, I'm talking about really, truly stupid shit.

I've had people take offense that I politely decline the dessert they're serving because I simply don't like the taste of strawberries. I've had people take offense that I don't think Sarah Silverman is particularly funny. I've had people take offense that I no longer get a kick out of 'Scooby Doo' any more. I've had people get offended that I not only don't support their favorite sports team but that I'm not particularly into sports at all.

I've been in conversations where people will scream and shout and get all worked up over which is better, Beatles vs. Stones, Superman vs. Batman, Mac vs. PC...

Don't get me wrong... I'm an opinionated person (some would say TOO opinionated) but at the end of the day, isn't it a little silly to be OFFENDED by someone's opinion? You could say to me "In my opinion, you are an idiot" I would not be offended because I know that I'm not an idiot (a fool, perhaps, but not an idiot). You could say to me "In my opinion your cartoons suck" and while I would be disappointed, I would not be offended because not everyone likes the same things - just like I don't care for strawberries.

Something amazing happened recently... I was having a discussion with a friend of mine over a variety of topics, and on two of those topics we vehemently disagreed with one another on a very fundamental level. And guess what? WE'RE STILL FRIENDS! GASP! We were actually able to debate about a topic, agree to disagree and then just move on as jovially as ever.

It's getting harder and harder to have conversations like that any more because people get offended so easily. When did we all develop such tissue-thin skin? It's depressing to me because when people don't discuss their differences, it feeds into the cycle of misunderstanding that keeps our society from evolving.

I'm sure I'm guilty of it as well, but I like to think that I at least try not to let it control my life.

Anyway... that's my rant for now...

I hope I didn't offend anyone.

MY WIFE AND BOOZE: An Online Profile

Since my beloved betrothed no longer "blogs" (to her credit) and is generally too busy with "life" to waste "time" on such "nonsense," it is up to me to point out that she has been named 'Publicist of the Week' on Dan Dunn's 'The Imbiber' web site:

http://www.theimbiber.net/files/POW_Leigh_Fountain.html

For those who aren't aware, Dan Dunn has managed to make a successful career out of writing reviews about - well - booze. He travels the world critiquing wineries, bars, drink recipes, etc.

Take a moment and let that notion soak in... now take a few deep breaths and try to get over the envy.

Anyway, I think Leigh's answers to the profile questions are pretty frickin' entertaining, so give it a look-see.

Then have a drink.

HAIKU? SCREW YOU!

Look, the fact is that if I sat down to type out every random thought I had, I'd be 'blogging' (ugh) all day and all night. And the other fact is, I am aware of the fact that nobody really reads anyone else's blog - and that's fine...

But some of my random thoughts compel me to throw them out there just so that I can rest easy in knowing that I have taken a stand on something vitally important.

And, thus, I pose the question to YOU - the non-reader: "Haikus"... what the HELL?!?

Some Japanese poet decided one day that creating a poem - with no pressure towards rhyming - that has five syllables, then seven syllables, then five syllables is some sort of really impressive, mystical, ancient artform. And we've all accepted it! Blindly!

Am I the only one out there with the stones to stand up and call 'time out!' on this? Apparently so.

Well, let me tell YOU, mister, you can't just 'decide' that something has artistic merit just because you say so! It's not fair! Hell, if that were true, I could decide that inept watercolor paintings of moose were the epitome of artistic achievement and then just call it a day.

In fact, I've decided just now that creating a poem with no more than three syllables is the height of artistic achievement. You can't argue. I've already decided. It's called a 'John-ku'. Here's my contribution:

Eat. My. Ass.

There. Now I will go down in history as an artistic visionary and mystical figure.

I'll even dare to out-do myself. I'll arbitrarily invent ANOTHER poetic device: A poem that consists of forty-eight syllables, then two syllables, then one-hundred and seventy-three syllables. I'll call such poetry "Saggy Britches."
Now go off and write a Saggy Britches to prove to your intellectual friends how deep and mystical you are! BE THE FIRST! I DARE YOU!!!

BAM! Two - count 'em - TWO highly mystical poetic devices created in the span of a couple of minutes. If I don't go down in history as a greater artist than DaVinci then something's just not right.

UPDATE: Just for the sake of clarity, I'd like to point out that this post is intended purely as satire... I haven't posted the comments, but I think more than a few folks thought I was being serious. For the record, almost NOTHING I post here will be intended to be taken seriously. Thank you. Good night. Drive safely.

A PLEA TO FANCY-PANTS RESTAURANTS

Look, I realize that I'm not a movie star or captain of industry - I'm just a cornshuckin' shitckicker hillbilly from the midwest... but I do, in fact, live here in your oh-so-important Los Angeles and I do, in fact, on occasion find myself eating at one of your upscale 'fancy' restaurants... I have put on a coat and tie so as to look appropriate for your eatery, I have paid your $10 parking fee, I have committed to purchasing your pricey food and drinks... consequently, I feel that I am entitled to certain rights and freedoms... and so I ask - nay - I BEG of you...

PUT SOME DAMNED SALT SHAKERS ON THE TABLE!!!

Leigh and I went out to dinner at this place that's supposed to be a big deal... a French restaurant that requires you to make a reservation several months in advance. To my own surprise, I've actually come to love French food, so I was looking forward to it.

So we sit down, order and await our appetizers when I notice that our table has no salt shakers. This means that I will be eating outrageously expensive food that will probably be tasty but in desperate need of a little more salt please, thank you.

I've encountered this phenomenon before... you see, the theory that these fancy-pants chefs follow is that their recipe is so 'right' that you shouldn't "NEED" to salt it.

There are SO many things wrong with this I simply don't know where to begin...

First of all, the way food tastes is an entirely subjective matter. You see, that's why you have more than one item on the menu to begin with. Not everyone LIKES Beef Marrow with Ox-Tail jam, so you also offer several alternatives. If everyone had the exact same taste buds and if the chef's judgement were so omnipotently flawless, there would be no need for more than one menu item at all.
So, yes, you - in your egotistical splendor - may believe that you put enough salt in the recipe already, but the fact is, you put enough salt in the recipe FOR YOU. NOT FOR ME.
I mean, what if clothing designers decided to make pants in only one size? "I shouldn't have to make other sizes... people should just fit into my designs as they are!" IT'S FASCISM, DAMMIT!

What's even MORE confusing to me is that while there were no salt shakers on the table, but there WERE pepper shakers! So lemme get this straight, Mister Fancy-Pants-Chef... you concede that there are occasions wherein it is conceivable that someone may wish to have pepper and may, consequently, make an individualized choice of just how MUCH pepper they want on their food... you affirm that this possibility exists and you accommodate for it by offering pepper shakers... but NOT WITH SALT?!?! HUH?! WHA-?!?

This is a sore subject with me because every time I eat - any time, any place, practically every day for my 37 years of life - someone feels compelled to comment on my use of salt. "Wow... you sure do use a lot of salt" they say. After hearing it for the eighty seven trillionth time, my inclination to politely chuckle and make some lighthearted joke about high blood pressure has eroded away completely. In the interest of avoiding a major altercation, I resist the urge to reply with something along the lines of "Wow! What an astute observation! How lucky I am to be in the presence of such greatness! I bow to your perceptive prowess! ALL HAIL THE NOTICER OF HOW MUCH SALT I USE!!!"

Over the course of the last few years I have taken great strides to 'eat better.' I eat more green vegetables, I've eliminated fried food, I take my vitamins every day, drink copious amounts of water, I work out, etc. etc. etc. etc.
But I intend to cling to my salt for as long as I can.

So just put the shaker on the table and everyone shut up about it. Thank you. Have a nice day.

WORKING FROM HOME

Through various twists and turns in fate, I have found myself working from home for the last several months - I'll go into more detail about that later, 'cause what I'm working on deserves its own post...
Now, this is not the FIRST time I've been on a hiatus from the day-to-day hustle and bustle of the nine-to-five workaday world, but it never fails to fascinate me how isolation from the 'normal' ebb and flow of society can effect one's demeanor.
Since Leigh still works a regular job, I make a point to try and get some of the errands done like drycleaning, grocery shopping, etc. This gets me out of the house now and then, but there are stretches where I will come to my senses and realize that a week has flown by and I haven't really left the house except to walk the dogs.
Consequently, the other day I had to go drive to the market after one such stretch and sitting in my car, turning the ignition, driving away - it all seemed so ALIEN!
I mean, my brain sorta snapped back into place after a couple of minutes - but that initial stint of xenophobia was trippy. My car's seat felt so COLD! And then, of course, at the market I had to actually INTERACT with people! THAT was even MORE of a shock to my system.
I guess I would liken the whole thing to sitting in a position that makes your leg fall asleep and then standing up and trying to walk on it again... the sensation is weird... not necessarily unpleasant, but extremely odd... and as your leg slowly wakes up you become acutely aware of its presence.
Anyway - that's my observation for the day... I have some chores to do that will force me to make contact with the rest of you humans again.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE... LOVE

Ah Love... what a funny little bugger.

So, starting today, I begin what will be a yearly triumvirate of doting and gift-giving. You see, today - of course - is Valentine's Day, the day after tomorrow is Leigh's Birthday, and the day after THAT is our wedding anniversary (our first).

Now, the good news is, it makes it REALLY easy for me to remember all of those important dates (plus a carry a flash-card in my wallet just in case). But it's quite an insane amount of celebrating to do in less than a week.

The other good news is, of course, that I'm madly in love with my wife and grow moreso every day. It's actually kind of creepy. As I wrote in her Valentine's card this year, it really is a good thing we got married or I would have wound up stalking her.

Get this... it's been a full year since the wedding and we STILL haven't ordered our official batch of wedding photos. I'm sure there are still 'thank you' cards waiting to be sent out as well. Yeesh.
Speaking of the thank-you cards, here's a rare 'temp-foto' from the wedding which illustrates the MAIN reason to have a lot of people at the nuptials: PRESENTS!


We made out like bandits. I think we should get divorced and then re-married every coupla years just for the swag.

Anyway - I wish we could have had about a billion more people at the reception 'cause it was quite the rockin' poppin' good time.
Here's another temp-foto to show what I mean...


I'm so proud of our wedding for so many reasons that if I get started I'll never stop boasting... and it was pretty much all Leigh's doing. To keep it short, I will simply say that our wedding was unapologetically 'US'.

Much like our marriage thus far, we do things our own way. Sometimes that makes things crazy and hard to predict, but it makes things marvelously and unceasingly entertaining. We have fun.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know... it's a 'boo-SHWA' and ultra-commercialized holiday... but what holidays AREN'T any more? Give in to it and put your own spin on it.

'HOLY CRAP! AN UPDATE!' with bonus feature: 'WHY I LOVE ZOMBIE MOVIES'

Look, I know I've fallen way behind on posting here. It wouldn't surprise me the slightest if no one ever reads this. But, let's face it, the whole blog-thing has kinda peaked already, hasn't it?

I miss the days gone by when this blog would get venomous, vicious, angry, hate-filled comments simply because I dared to post a watercolor of a moose. It made blogging worthwhile.

But, like so many novelties, the thrill seems to have worn off.

As for me, I would probably post something every day if I had the time. Random thoughts that I long to share with the world invade my brain constantly... but there just aren't enough hours in the day. The fact that I actually have a free moment to crap out this little rant is nothing short of miraculous.

Anyway... I DO, in fact, have some fairly fun cartoony-related announcements coming up... but, as is so often the case, I have to wait until ink has dried and whatnot before making any proclamations. I'm sure you'll be able to endure the suspense.

One thing I CAN tell you about is that Leigh and I just completed our third and final installment to 'the water trilogy' for the next issue of HOT MEXICAN LOVE COMICS. Stay tuned for updates.

Okay... here's the part where I make rapidfire snotty judgements on things and stuff:

'CLOVERFIELD' - What a horrible waste of time. Don't avoid it because you get motion sickness... avoid it because it's just a really awful movie.

'THE VENTURE BROTHERS' - I feel like an ass for getting in on this one so late - but my GOD what a great show.

'HALO 3' - Call me a sucker, but I can't get enough of this crap.

'PORTAL' - Easily one of the most challenging and entertainingly cerebral and creepy games I've ever played. THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!

'HALF LIFE 2' - Hey! Wow! What a fun game! I see now what all the fuss was about. Until it decided to COMPLETELY FREEZE UP ON ME!!! I don't mean it crashed, I mean it FROZE! I can't move forward in the game because it's stuck in some sort of weird 'Matrix'-esque frigging bug. SCREW YOU, 'HALF LIFE 2'!!! I HATE YOU WITH ALL THE FIRES OF HELL!!!

'FIDO' - If you love zombies, go rent this one. it's genius.

'GUNBUSTER 2' - Gainax continues to amaze me. The fact that they can continue to make shows that - narratively - make absolutely NO SENSE WHATSOEVER to me (maybe I'm dumb) yet still entrance, delight and entertain me to my core is simply amazing. They must be tapping into a part of my brain that is extremely abstract. I dunno. It's a mystery but I love it.

'AMERICAN IDOL' - A request to you people who try out for it by dressing up in goofy shit just so you can be on TV and let the judges mock you for 30 seconds: Stop it. You're pathetic. But let's be clear, you're not pathetic because you're a guy dressed as Princess Leia, you're pathetic because you have nothing better to do than go wait in some line for days on end just to be on TV.
Look, I know 'IDOL' is a dippy show... but it's pop-culture candy and I like it. I have enough 'serious media' in my life... I need something brainless like 'IDOL' to let me feel lobotomized for a little while and when you doucheholes show up with your feathered boas and tube tops it just awakens the endlessly irritated beast that lives in my head all over again.

'DEXTER' - The only show on television that NEVER, EVER disappoints me.

THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION - Please let it be over soon...

Okay... enough of that for now...

I hate posting without an illustration of some sort... so, for no particular reason, here is a zombie. Zombies are always fun to look at, right?



The missus and I love our horror movies... those of the zombie variety are of particular interest to us. In Leigh's case I think it's just that she likes watching people being eaten... but time and time again what fascinates me about zombie movies is the SURVIVAL aspect of it and watching the non-zombie characters improvise in order to survive. I love seeing people in a hopeless situation make weapons out of everyday objects and figuring out ways to hide, feed themselves and generally stay alive in a zombie apocalypse.

I think what intrigues me about the survivalism in zombie flicks is my existing preconception that, for the most part, we who live in the U.S. and other highly developed nations, have lost a lot of our 'pioneer spirit' for lack of a better phrase.

We're so used to having all of our creature comforts readily available, it makes me wonder what we would do and how we would act if they were completely taken away from us... no home, no electricity, no government to protect us.

The fact that a handful of people always seem to survive on their wits in zombie movies actually gives me a sense of optimism and hope that maybe we're not as completely lacking in self-preservation instincts as we sometimes seem to be.

Obviously I would never want any kind of apocalypse to occur, but if it did I like to fantasize about how I would get by (especially since I'm just as spoiled as the next guy if not significantly moreso). This is probably why I also love 'LOST' and why I used to really dig 'SURVIVOR'. The problem with 'SURVIVOR' is that it has always basically just been a game show. Sure, those people encounter hardships and dangers, but they're not really out in the wilderness on their own... there's camera crews and stuff everywhere. No one's really facing death.

Anyway... that's it for now. I'll try to update more, but 'life' gets priority.

THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!