BIRTHDAY WISHES! - JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

What's that, you say? Still haven't found that perfect holiday gift for that hard-to-please friend, relative, or blood-enemy?
Then you, my dear reader, are in bucketloads of luck...
'BIRTHDAY WISHES!' - the first (but not last) collaborative effort between me and my soon-to-be-wife is now available in hardcover form from Visikids publishing on AMAZON.COM!
Are you tired of children's books that are purile, lame and just plain insulting to their budding little minds?
Are you - yourself - a fan of the genre?
Do ya like funny drawings?
Do ya like a good rhyme?
Then follow this here link and plop down your dough, Jackson, 'cause Leigh and John have answered your prayers!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1933156031/sr=1-1/qid=1165955400/ref=sr_1_1/105-4343581-3041242?ie=UTF8&s=books

Now even though ordering one would be simply marvelous of you, I really must recommend that you order no fewer than ten. I mean, you'll want to give one to at least everyone you know, right? But then, you're a popular person... you know WAY more than ten people. You're right... better order fifty. Good call.

Okay, enough with the sales pitch... but I truly am wildly excited about the release of this book. It's my very first children's book EVER - and believe me I've been asked to do many. It was only after I met Leigh and read her wonderful and unique writing that I felt inspired to tread such waters.

For those of you who are unaware, 'Birthday Wishes' is a story told entirely in rhyme about about twins who take 'sibling rivalry' to a whole new level when they discover that every year their birthday wishes actually come true. As we all know, siblings are prone to wicked pranks, and thus begins their 'wishing war' as they induce all manner of horrors on one another whenever their birthday comes around.

Apart from being Me'n'Leigh's first collaboration, this book was absolutely one of the most fun projects I've ever participated in. It got me back into painting and drawing for the fun of it. For me, this book represents more than just a publishing venture, but an expression of our respective artistic inclinations and a labor of love. That, if for no other reason, is why I think you'll enjoy it.

Sincerely,

John

THE LIVE-ACTION TRANSFORMERS MOVIE WILL PROBABLY SUCK

More and more, I'm learning that the key to enjoying most movies these days is to bring my expectations down as far as they can possibly go. Then, when the movie is merely bad instead of atrocious, I don't feel quite so let down when I leave the theater.
Unfortunately, I'm guessing this is what I will need to do with the July 2007 'Transformers' movie.
The most recent issue of Wizard magazine (yes... I read Wizard... congratulations... you're cooler than me) quoted Lorenzo di Bonaventura - one of the movie's producers - as saying, "The scale of the Transformers is so big... but how do the humans play out? How do you make sure the human actors have an equal role?"
Allow me to answer that little question for you, Lorenzo: YOU DON'T!!!
Here's a little tip for ya... people who go to see a movie called 'Transformers' aren't seeing it because they wanna see a bunch of actors flapping their lips... WE WANNA SEE BIG ROBOTS DUKING IT OUT! We wanna see laser blasts and explosions and crumbling buildings. No one is going to give a shit about the stupid fucking 'love story' you're ramming into it (which they are, of course, doing). Why does EVERY movie have to have a romance in it anyway? WE WANT ROBOTS, DAMMIT! I gotta look at PEOPLE every frigging day... when I go to my big, dumb, fighting-robot-movie, that is exactly what I want to see... no more, no less.
What if they jammed a space battle in the middle of 'When Harry Met Sally'? Everyone would say "What the hell was THAT?" Y'know why? Because a space battle has no place in a gooey romantic comedy. SO WHY DO THEY ALWAYS GOTTA JAM THESE STOOPID LOVE STORIES IN MY BIG, DUMB SCI-FI THRILLERS? Didn't any of these idiots learn ANYTHING from the horrible American remake of 'Godzilla'?
There were two major reasons as far as I can tell that 'Godzilla' flopped as badly as it did:
1) It was jammed with so-called 'name' actors who were doing it entirely for the humungous paycheck.
and, most of all...
2) It had absolutely no loyalty to the source material.
Which seems to be the case with 'Transformers' as well... they seem intent on changing all the very core, key elements that have kept the franchise alive this whole time. Rather than merely give the characters slightly updated and film-friendly designs (as Sam Raimi did with 'Spider-Man') they've gone down this ultra-complex road that so many producers tread when they have no idea what their doing. "I don't know what a good robot design looks like, so I'll just make sure it's got lots and lots of really complicated stuff on it."
Two of the biggest and most successful movie franchises in the last several years were 'Spider-Man' and 'Lord of the Rings'... doesn't anyone in Hollywood bother to notice why those movies were so great? Do they think they were just multiple flukes? Argh.
Here's another gem from Lorenzo on whether or not they'll cast the original voice actors from the TV show: "Some of these guys are TV cartoon guys. I want to get better characters if we can."
Ah - of course... another brilliant bit of producing. "TV cartoon = bad... high-priced bigshot movie actor = good"... never mind the fact that, once again, you're writing off one of the elements that made these characters popular as insignificant.
Double Argh.
Anyway, the ONE good thing they've done is hire Peter Cullen to do the voice of Optimus Prime... Cullen was the original voice actor on the 'Transformers' animated TV show and animated movie. No one else can do Prime as far as I'm concerned. Now if they REALLY want to take another bold step in the right direction, they'll hire Frank Welker to return as Megatron.
The bottom line here is that everyone involved with this film seems to have an agenda of making it as distant from the source material as they possibly can. They seem to be trying really hard to fight the fact that this is supposed to be a big, dumb, fun, geeky science fiction story with big fighting robots.
The tragedy is, there are probably countless hungry, young producers, directors and actors out there who would have embraced it with open arms and done an amazing job for half the money - but, no, the Hollywood machine is ever-insistant that it's not broken when, in fact, it's belching smoke, leaking oil, low on gas and dragging a rusty muffler behind it.

WHY TRANSFORMERS ARE COOL - part 1 of 500

THE TRANSFORMERS CULT: My Review of the 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD
In the past couple of years it seems as though all of the animated feature films to come out of America are indistinguishable from one another.
Recently, however, THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE 20th ANNIVERSARY EDITION was released on DVD and I was reminded of what it was like to go to an animated movie and actually be surprised, shocked, entertained and exillherated by it.
When the movie first came out 1986, I was sixteen years old and had basically grown out of collecting toys (since then, of course, I've grown back into it all over again), but I still loved cartoons.
While most kids my age would spend their after-school time playing sports or hanging out at the mall, I would indulge in my guilty pleasure of rushing to my TV for the block of VOLTRON, THUNDERCATS and TRANSFORMERS shows.
Nowadays, science fiction fans have a million different ways to get their daily 'fix' from television... but when I was in high school, the only real sci-fi available was in the form of TV cartoons. Consequently, I had found myself deeply invested in the TRANSFORMERS mythos and followed it religiously.
Back then, Disney was the only company with any real focus on animated features, and - for the most part - their stories were skewed very young and followed the same basic types of storylines... in other words, cartoon movies were in a similar slump that they're in now... lots of 'sameness'. THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE, however, was incredibly complex and groundbreaking for its time.
The plot was obvious of course... it chronicled the war between two factions of robotic life from the planet Cybertron - the noble Autobots and the evil Decepticons... however, in the movie, a new danger - a monsterous, roaming robotic planet that devours everything in its path - threatens to destroy Cybertron. In their efforts to save their world, Autobots and Decepticons alike are forced to face some harsh realities, go through painful changes and make new alliances.
Oftentimes when animators discuss the greatest animated films of all time, TRANSFORMERS is overlooked for its obvious and - yes - blatant tie-in to the toys... but to me, its commercialization is just another sign of its brilliant execution: Sunbow and Marvel productions were given the task of wiping out the first generation of TRANSFORMERS characters to make way for a whole new toy line... it would have been very easy for them to simply hack out a cheap simpleminded tale with little or no regard to the characters or story arc... but they didn't. They injected real emotion and conflict into the plot and used the idea of going from one toy line to another as a way of making a statement about sacrifice, loss, maturity, growth, friendship and unity.
The original cast from the television series stayed true to their characters and - in a shocking twist for an American animated feature - died fighting for their cause. Optimus Prime - the leader of the brave Autobots - maintained his staunch, John Wayne-like heroism up until his death at the hands of Megatron - the malevolent Decepticon tyrant. Seeing the two of them fight to the end was precicely what we fans of the TV show had waited for, but we never could have dreamed that the bad guy would actually win the fight! We were used to movies showing us that good always triumphed over evil - but this movie showed us that oftentimes in life, the villain wins. Despite the existence of an all-powerful corporate agenda, the filmmakers worked within those boundaries and created an epic science fiction masterpiece that has endured the test of time.
Japanese anime features rarely made it to American theaters, so even though I was aware of anime, I had never seen anything with an anime style on a big movie screen before. For many Americans, the TRANSFORMERS movie was their first exposure to a feature with an anime-sensibility.
In its original release, the TRANSFORMERS movie didn't make a lot of money... but it has enjoyed a 'cult status' and gained popularity more and more with every passing year since then.
One of the many reasons I've always enjoyed it was because it never 'dumbed down' to the audience: the characters spoke like adults... the relationships between them were often complex and riddled with sub-plots... they carried and used dangerous-looking weaponry... they acted like soldiers and used military jargon. Nowadays, all American cartoon characters speak like a nine-year old surfer kid with a nonstop barrage of "whoah" and "dude"... they never get mad at one another or display any real personality... The weapons carried in cartoons these days look like gummi bears... once an action show has been filtered through the American "political-correctness machine" it becomes so sanitized that it lacks any real drama or excitement. So, for me, the TRANSFORMERS movie represents the last real hurrah for animated action shows in the U.S. Oh, sure, every now and then you get something exceptional like 'Batman' or 'Justice League', but even those shows struggle with the increasingly stringent rules for broadcast standards.
The DVD itself includes multiple commentary tracks - one of which includes producer/director Nelson Shin - as well as interviews, trivia, commercials (U.S. and Japanese) for the movies and toy lines, some quick deleted scenes and test footage. I watched everything on the two-disc set which, ultimately, meant watching the movie from beginning to end five times in a row, and each time I enjoyed it and appreciated it more.
In summer of 2007, a live-action big-budget adaptation of the Transformers will hit screens courtesy of Steven Speilberg... based on everything I know about it (which is almost nothing) I have no idea whether it's going to be any good or not.
But if you've grown weary of the seemingly endless parade of films that feature big groups of CGI animated prancing animals, I highly recommend you join myself and the rest of the loyal cultists who revere THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE. It's a lot of fun, and you're not even required to shave your head.

THE FOUNTAIN FILTER

Well... there it is... my animation career in one drawing.
I just thought it would be fun to do a 'group shot' of all the major cartoon characters I've worked on in my career and squeeze them through the filter of my own drawing style.
Featured are (from left to right) 'The Tantrum' - floating in the top left... he was the first character of my own creation to star in his own short on 'Oh Yeah! Cartoons!', below him is Yang from 'Yin Yang Yo!', standing taller than any of them is Jenny from 'My Life as a Teenage Robot, scowling hatefully is - of course - Zim from 'Invader Zim' and hovering above him is his robot servant Gir, holding the map is Eliza from 'The Wild Thornberrys' - my first real job in the industry was as a storyboard artist for that show, above her is Cosmo from 'The Fairly Oddparents' and, finally, in the lower right is Cartman from 'South Park' - I worked on the movie 'Bigger, Longer and Uncut'.
Anyway... I have nothing profound to say... I just jammed this out for fun - and it was.

WOMEN: DON'T SLEEP WITH KEVIN FEDERLINE!

Look, I promise I'm not going to make a habit of commenting on celebrity gossip nonsense here... and believe me, I have struggled with whether or not I should post this for over a week... but the fact is, it's IN me and I simply HAVE to say something about it.
Kevin Federline (or "K-Fed" or "Fed-Ex" or "The-Most-Disgraceful-Person-In-America") got dumped recently by his airheaded yet slightly less evil wife Britney Spears... since then, he's been proclaiming (via graffitti on his dressing-room doors) that the ladies of the world should "look out" because he's single again and, apparently, plans to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women (this, of course, implies that he hadn't been doing that throughout his entire fourteen-minute marriage to Spears... but we shant speculate on that).
Thus, I am compelled to make a plea to all women out there: Don't give him the satisfaction.
If EVERYONE agrees to this, it will be the worst possible of punishments to someone who is in DIRE need of a metaphorical kick to the balls.
Now, I know that you're going to be tempted... you'll do it as a lark... something you can brag to your friends about and then have a hearty laugh... goodness knows I can't imagine there is any other reason anyone would sleep with him. But this is one of those times where you simply MUST consider the greater good.
If a man approaches you and he LOOKS like Federline but you're not sure, stick to side of caution and just run away. It's best to avoid relationships with guys who walk around in 'wife-beater' shirts anyway (I'd be willing to bet that if those shirts had somehow been nicknamed 'saggy-testicle-lickers' that Federline wouldn't be caught dead in one... kinda gives you an indication of what sort of fellah we're dealing with here, doesn't it? Perhaps we should go back to calling them 'undershirts' hm? But I digress).
Prostitutes: DO NOT TAKE HIS MONEY! I know it will be rough, but everyone needs to stick together on this.
If Kevin Federline ever gets laid again - EVER... for ANY reason - it will mean that we, as a society, are completely without hope.
Similarly, GUYS: DON'T SLEEP WITH PARIS HILTON for, essentially, all the same reasons.
The only thing that gives Federline the edge in the 'evil' race among their ilk is that Hilton - though certainly the embodiment of feminine evil - has not reproduced (yet!) whereas there will soon be four extremely unfortunate kids in this world who must choke back the bile and call K-Fed 'dad'.
The disgrace must end NOW.

MY MEMORIES OF A TEENAGE ROBOT

I haven't had time to do any new doodles or paintings lately, so I'm just going to wax nostalgiac.
Unfortunately, tragically and disappointingly, not all that many people are familair with the show 'My Life as a Teenage Robot'.
It was created by Rob Renzetti who, apart from just being an overall good guy, has been instrumental in shaping some of the better cartoons from the last decade or more.
'Robot' was, originally, part of the 'Oh Yeah! Cartoons!' anthology series on Nickelodeon.
Anyway, it became a series and I had the honor of working on it in a number of capacities.
Rob let me write, direct, storyboard and - oftentimes - design entire characters. Rob was one of those rare directors who was able to step back, hire folks he trusted and just let them run.
This is not to say, of course, that Rob wasn't always at the helm... but he recognized that animation is, by nature, a collaborative medium and - as such - he valued the contributions of all who worked with him.
As a result, I did some of my best work and had some of the most fun of my career on 'Robot'.
Unlike many cartoon productions wherein you are given a script, we were given rough outlines that just gave us - the board artists - a general idea as to where the story should go.
Consequently, being the renegade that I am, I would oftentimes BLATANTLY ignore the outlines and go in my own direction... but much to my absolute shock, Rob not only didn't MIND this, he actually ENCOURAGED it.
This is not to say we didn't occasionally have our disagreements... but they were always in the spirit of making the cartoon as great as possible.
One of the major challanges was the fact that the main character's head was - for all intents and purposes - perfectly round. And this show wasn't done in FLASH, so we couldn't just rely on computer software to make it easier... and I just hate stencils for some reason, so most of the time I drew it freehand which - to this day - has taught me to draw virtually perfect circles freehand.
But I had fun, and I think it shows in the episodes.
To see what I'm talking about, go to:
http://teenagerobot.tk
The episodes I worked on include:
Season 1
Shell Game (featuring my personal favorite character - Sheldon)
Daydream Believer (please note the semi-truck that almost hits Jenny says 'O-Prime' on the side... that's an homage to Optimus Prime of the Transformers)
Season 2
Last Action Zero (one of my all-time favorites for a whole variety of reasons)
Dancing with my Shell (I love it when Jenny loses her temper)
Robot Riot (one some of the best robot-fighting I've ever gotten to dray - and, hey, I'M THE VOICE OF LIL' DIPPER!)
Bradventure (this has one of my favorite lines of any cartoon EVER in it... can you guess what it is? And, no, I didn't write it)
Season 3
No Harmony with Melody (c'mon - two girl-robots in a midair dogfight... what's not to love?)
Legion of Evil (the 'head cozies' that the bad-guys wear are based on actual garments)

I also got to do the first half of 'Robot For All Seasons' - the Christmas episode - in which Jenny takes the most savage beating of any teenage robot cartoon I've ever seen. It was way fun. I can't find it anywhere on YOUTUBE or anything, so you'll just have to buy the DVD or something.

Anyway, despite the fact that it got 'good' ratings, the fact of the matter is, television is a competitive arena and networks don't want 'good' ratings - they want 'blockbuster' ratings.
The good news is, Rob is doing great things now as is everyone else from the show... but that's another blog.
Speaking of which, the MLAATR blog's address is:
http://teenageroblog.blogspot.com

Thank you for allowing me to indulge my online flashback...

"...THE BEST RANTS EVER..."

I was moderating my blog comments recently (which - for the record - I do very begrudgingly... I only resorted to moderating when the 'YOU SUCK!' comments got crashingly dull... I will generally post anything, no matter how critical, as long as it's ENTERTAINING... but I digress...) when I - to my surprise - recieved an e-mail from Jamie Oliff and Angie Jones (authors of "Thinking Animation: Bridging the Gap between 2-D and CG") informing me that I'm featured on their site:
http://thinkinganimationbook.blogspot.com
Their site has a lot of interesting info and discussion that you won't see on a lot of the usual animation-related web-sites.
How can a fella NOT be flattered?
It almost makes me wish I actually contributed to the discussion of animation with this blog... but, the fact is, Jamie and Angie are clearly better at it than I would be... on top of that, we have Eddie Kline (http://klineburgers.blogspot.com) - so between those two sites, I think that angle is covered nicely.
Thus, this blog shall continue its commitment to being completely unprofessional and sloppy.
If anyone REALLY wants to hear my thoughts and opinions on animation, they can attend the KALAMAZOO ANIMATION FESTIVAL INTERNATIONAL (http://kafi.kvcc.edu) from May 17th - 20th 2007 where I will be doing at least two lectures and probably a bunch of other workshops and stuff. Or you could just give me a job... then you'd hear my nonstop rants all day every day.
Anyway, massive thanks to Jamie and Angie for the humungous plug on their site which is now in my regular rotation.

BOO!

I had planned to do a much more elaborate post than this... I was gonna upload pictures of all of my wonderful costumes from past years and this one... but the fact is, it's been a really shitty week (ugh... and it's only Tuesday) so I'm just not in the mood.
What I will say is that Leigh and I did a collaborative costume, and it was one of my favorite costumes ever. Maybe I'll post pictures next week if I'm in a better mood.
I love Halloween... it's a holiday that lets people be creative without being pretentious.
I must say, I feel fortunate to have a bunch of incredibly creative friends... one of the things I look forward to every year is seeing what everyone else cooks up.
Anyway... here's a drawing of a zombie. It's the first and only zombie I've ever drawn (okay, that's not true... I did a bunch of zombie character designs for "Invader Zim" a million years ago, but I don't consider those 'mine' if you get my drift).
Sorry this post sucks. Hope you all have a fun Halloween... remember: eating too much candy can make you bleed out of your rectum.

CRETINS CRETINS CRETINS!!!

So... ya think I'm just a misanthrope crank, eh? You think I'm just cynical and grumpy?
Get this...
Some genuis(es) decided it would be lark to take a Pasadena RALPHS shopping cart and raise it up the supermarket's flagpole (don't ask me how)... well, apparently when one of the store's employees went out to take down the flag (which they quite reasonably could have assumed was still up on the flagpole), the shopping cart fell and hit them going full force breaking their neck. The employee is now paralyzed from the neck down. For life. Forever.
I swear, if you took some of the stories like this one (which seem to happen every day... at least in Los Angeles) and strung them into a "MAD MAX" style post-apocolyptic movie and went back in time and showed it to people in the 1930's or 40's, they'd say "Well, that's compelling science fiction, but America will NEVER become that barbaric!"
Welcome to Thunderdome, folks!

YOU WIN, CRETINS!

Congratulations to all of you cretins, slobs, assholes, hillbillies, dickheads and morons... YOU WIN!

I give up... you will NEVER AGAIN have to put up with me 'shush'-ing you at the movies... 'cause I just can't take your loud, inane, grating commentary any more. The movie theaters belong to YOU now. I give up. There are more of you than there are of me (by 'me' I mean anyone who's not interested in hearing your sub-retarded play-by-play during a movie)... your army of stupidity has overwhelmed all the forces of decency, so in the interest of survival, I am retreating.
Consider all public movie theaters 'Asshole Territory'.

Let me point out, I do not blame the movie theaters for this... in fact, I pity them greatly... but it seems that no matter how many clever little announcements they run before the film BEGGING you to shut your trap, you just don't give a damn.

Which is why I am surrendering... any time you're dealing with two foes - one of whom is civilized and one of whom is barbaric - the barbarian will ALWAYS win.

In case you haven't guessed, Leigh and I actually made an attempt to go to the movies this past weekend and found ourselves surrounded by douchebags (pictured above).
Now, I'm relatively forgiving when it comes to talking during things like previews or those horrible commercials that movie theaters run these days, but once the movie starts - call me crazy - I expect people to shut the hell up.

Obviously, this doesn't include laughter, gasps or appropriately volumed reactions... indeed, that USED to be part of the moviegoing experience I actually enjoyed.
In fact, I don't even mind a certain amount of WHISPERING... but for the most part, every single member of the audience was talking in their normal speaking tones... NON-STOP!

I do take a certain amount of responsibility... we usually make a point of seeing movies that have either been out for so long that the general populace has lost interest, or we go to 10AM shows when most L.A. residents are still fast asleep.

We saw 'The Grudge 2' which - make no mistake - was not very good. It really was just more of the same. Nonetheless, there has never been a movie made in all of history that is as bad as hearing people talk during a film.

The fat (and by 'fat' I really mean obese peice of shit) guy above started talking as loud as he possible could DURING THE VERY FIRST SCENE IN THE MOVIE. It was clear that he was just getting started, so Leigh and I turned around and Leigh said "Shut UP!"
Now, get this... this is great, he looks at us and says (again, at a level just below a shout) "SHEESH! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY 'SHUT UP'! YOU COULD JUST SAY 'BE QUIET'!"

I swear to you, I was ready to leap on him and rip out his jugular with my teeth... fortunately, Leigh stopped me.

I wanted to say to him "Do you need someone to tell you to wipe your ass after you take a dump as well? Do you need someone to tell you how to chew your food? (a silly question I know)... WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU TO BE QUIET YOU PILE OF MEAT!"

Anyway...

The rest of the folks (and by 'folks' I mean 'insects disguised as teenagers') depicted above were the types to give a slightly quieter but no less annoying 'running commentary' on what was happening. When a character picks up a glass of wine, they say "She picked up that glass"... when a character gets hit over the head with a lead pipe they say "That hurt".

And here's the punchline... when the movie was over, the girl on the far right said "That was stoopit". Meanwhile, she sceeched at every scary moment.

Anyway, that was the last straw.

I'm not going to the movies any more, so all of you idiots out there have my permission to talk as loudly and as extensively as you want. Only one out of every fifty movies to come out of this town are even remotely worth seeing anyway, and I've got a huge TV... so I can wait for everything to come out on DVD.

Movie execs wonder why no one is paying $85 for a typical night at the movies (and let's face it, that's what it winds up costing). Well, there's your answer: Your movies are horrible and people are scumbags. I can put up with one or the other, but not both.

Thank you - and enjoy the film.

WHITE AND NERDY

For those of you who have been waiting for me to post again - PREPARE TO REGRET IT!

So a coupla weeks ago, one of my favorite performing artists - "Weird Al" Yankovic - put out a new album called "Straight Outta Lynwood". And that, my readers, is today's topic...

It's funny, but ever since 'nerd culture' really started becoming trendy, I've wondered - what's the test of a REAL nerd? I mean, it's pretty hard to find anyone from my generation who didn't like Star Wars, and thanks to its mainstream popularity, Star Wars paved the way for everyone to 'come out of the nerd closet'.

But how many of these people are REALLY nerds? I mean, when you've got hot actresses going on Jay Leno and saying "Oh, I'm a total nerd... I love sci-fi and video games" how nerdy can sci-fi and video games be? It's not that YOU, little miss "IT-girl" are nerdy, it's that sci-fi, fantasy and video games simply ceased to BE nerdy. So 'admitting' that you like these things is no big deal.

Don't get me wrong (oh - who am I kidding... you're probably going to get me wrong no matter how many friggin' disclaimers I write, so go ahead and get me wrong... I hope you choke on your getting-John-wrongness)... I don't begrudge beautiful and popular people for embracing nerd culture... I WANT nerd culture to thrive and grow so that I always have an abundant array of media to choose from. I LOVE the way the wind is blowing... I feel like a kid in a candy store! I used to watch 'Buck Rogers" because there simply WASN'T a source of sci-fi television when I was a kid (none of our local syndicates picked up 'Star Trek' reruns and that show was too brainy for me at the time anyway... I wanted to see space battles, dammit - not get lectured about treating everyone with equality). But NOW? Holy CRAP! There's like fifty billion sci-fi shows on, and a few of them are even GOOD! But even if that weren't the case, every DVD store has an absolute abundant array of selections to choose from including stuff from Japan and around the world!
My point is, with nerd culture becoming so trendy, even if 95% of it sucks, 5% is plenty to keep me occupied. So I have no problem with this trend growing and growing ad infinitum.

BUT, the trend DOES take away some of the 'punch' that the word 'nerd' once had... so what is the NEW litmus for whether or not you're a nerd?
My friends, the answer is Weird Al Yankovic.

I love Al. I love his music. And not just his parodies like 'Eat it' or 'Like A Surgeon'... he does TONS of original songs that are just plain funny (songs that tell stories of Santa Claus going postal and killing a bunch of people, songs about hating your ex-girlfriend, and - yes - songs about food).
On his last album - 'Poodle Hat' - he did a song called 'Bob' in the style of Bob Dylan - but the whole song was a panendrome... how brilliant is that?

Al, to me, proves that you can be silly, childlike, juvenile and dorky while still exhibiting nuggets of brilliance. ANY humorist can exhibit their intellect by being pithy and sardonic, but Al SNIPES at you with his brilliance... he says "Yeah... I like farts too... but here's a dash of academia just to throw off your balance!"

I can attest to this with firsthand experience... when I was in college I wrote for the school newspaper and got to do a phone interview with Al (and got to meet him in person after his Kalamazoo Koncert). I was expecting him to be schticky through the whole conversation and be all goofy and - well - weird... but he was very thoughtful and poingnant.

Having said all of this, I must confess that "Lynwood" is not his best album...it's still VERY good listening, and there are at least 3 songs that I can never live without, but pound for pound it doesn't have the same punch as his previous work.

Nonetheless, the first track on the album - which I think is the number 2 song in America right now - "White and Nerdy" is an absolute scream.
The funny thing is, I have absolutely NO idea what song it's parodying. I know it's a parody of SOMEthing, but it's definitely a parody of just another friggin' gangsta-hiphop thing and - as frequent readers already know - I've grown really tired of that whole sound.
But, while I'm sure the original song probably talks about all kinds of things I can't possibly relate to (the 'hood, drive-bys, etc.), "White and Nerdy" is practically a musical catalogue of my entire existence!

To quote one of my favorite lines: "...the only question I ever thought was hard, was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"

One of the things that turns me off when it comes to music in general is when it takes itself too seriously... you'd think rock stars were curing cancer when you hear them talk about themselves.

Why SHOULDN'T music be funny? And not just "Frank Zappa" funny, but OTHER kinds of funny too?
I just think people do themselves a disservice by limiting their musical tastes to one genre. And, oftentimes, it's the fear of being nerdy that keeps them from appreciating the brilliance of someone like Al.

Call me a goofball (and I'll say "thanks!") but I still dig this kind of humor... and I hope I never outgrow it.

Anyway, that's my Weird Al rant - misspellings and all - take it for what it's worth.

(don't you just wish I had posted a painting of a Gazelle or something now?)

I'm Busy... Lay Off...

Look, there's about a million more important things I want to write about, but I'm just too damned busy (I'm working from home lately - which you'd think would make it easier to constantly futz around... but I'm busier than ever)... and I don't like writing about stuff without putting a drawing with it but I just don't have time to whip up something special. So, in the interest of killing time and blog-space, I'm just putting up another watercolor. I never intended for this blog to be a 'showcase' for my work, but it's a great thing to fall back on.

I figured since the moose painting caused such a massive controversy, surely this Yak will shake the very foundations of the internet and spark a violent revolution.

Anyone who wants to hear me talk about all the things I hate about my so-called 'artistic abilities' need only ask and I'm prone to go on and on about how amaturish I am. That's no secret. But people who kvetch too much about their shortcomings oftentimes wind up just sounding like they want sympathy or praise - and I don't need (or want) either.

All I can say about my watercolors is that they were fun to make.

All I can say about my 'style' in general is that - for all of its flaws - it's mine.

It's nothing so special that it's going to change the world... and, sure, I have influences... everyone does... I'm as guilty as anyone of copying (note the similarity between my Yak and the ones from the 'Kilted Yaksmen' episode of 'Ren and Stimpy')... but if I suck, one of the reasons I suck is because my influences are so varied. Maybe I should have been one of those guys to just endlessly copy artwork from 40's Jazz ablum covers... maybe I should have just endlessly copied the anime style... maybe I should have cone to CalArts... I love all of those styles, and I'd probably be more successful if I'd just picked one and stuck to it. But, hey, here we are with my quick-n-dirty watercolors... and I like 'em.

Those who really know me are aware that I'm wide open to advice, critiques, etc. And those who want to use this as an excuse to tell me how much I suck are an endless source of amusement as well - so all comments are welcome!

So - here's a Yak. Enjoy it or enjoy hating it.

WE LIVE IN HELL: Why do the demons dress like idiots?

Leigh informs me that it's been a long time since I posted. She is, of course, correct... it's been a while. Last time I posted I was in Canada. I'm back now - only to realize that I LIVE IN FRIGGING HELL!
I don't mean that the city of L.A. itself is 'evil' (not necessarily, anyway... that's another post altogether)... I mean that it is RIDICULOUSLY HOT HERE!!!
Yesterday it was over 105 degrees... today it was 101 and you know what? I actually FELT the difference... I was 'relieved' by the 'cooler' 101 temperature! When you're relieved that it's 'only 101 degrees', that's when you know you live in HELL!
It's been so hot I've been too lazy to scan or post any drawings - so all of you folks who come here just to rag on how shitty my art is (bless your hearts), I'm sorry... I'll put up something another time. It's just too hot to scan.
I've got the central air conditioning (proof that technology is the gift of a benevolent creator) cranked as high as it will go (the shock may kill Leigh when she comes home tonight, but Otto and I need our comfort) and I'm still sweating.
At the risk of getting too graphic, I'm sweating the most in some rather unwholesome places. I had to go to the bank today, and that meant walking across a parking lot where there was no shade... this trek alone caused me to end up looking like a man who'd pissed himself. I'm sorry for being so blunt, but there it is - it was that hot (moments like this serve to remind me that I am an unfortunately constructed human... my so-called physical structure may be entirely appropriate for some other planet's environment, but not this one's... this is, of course, why I wear black all the time: to hide the fact that I am, in all likelihood, not of this Earth).
But I digress... (man I love saying that)
So - speaking of the way people dress and how much everyone sucks - I'm walking down the street trying to get home as rapidly as possible (while still using as little of my own energy as possible) when I spot some douchebag dressed from head to toe in LEATHER BIKER GEAR! I SHIT YOU NOT!
Now, I can hear you saying "John, you suck"... and you're right... but those of you with more intelligent things to say are saying, "But John... what if he IS a biker... they NEED leather gear to protect them!" That would be an extremely legitimate argument if it weren't for one tiny fact: HE WAS WAITING AT THE BUS STOP!
Now, in spite of what you may think of me by now, I'm a very 'live and let live' kinda guy... you can dress however you want... oh, sure, I'll make fun of you (I'm looking in YOUR direction, hiphop gangstas!) but ultimately I don't care how anyone else dresses... but when you're decked out from toes to top in all leather biker gear when it's a quadrillion degrees in the shade (two quadrillion in the sun) and you're getting on a bus, that means to me that you are going to be filling up that bus (already an unpleasant place) with the sum whole of your body odors. It's just not right. I hate how I look in shorts too, but on days like today, ya just gotta bite that bullet and dress for the weather.
(by the way, this is as good a time as any to tell the kids who wear stocking caps and thick coats on days like today how stupid they look as well... hey... you kids... you look really stupid. There... I said it and I'm glad)
Anyway, now that I've rambled for what seems like an eternity, I'm faced with the fact that I just spent an entire blog post commenting on the weather... it's a blog-version of 'small-talk'. Oh well. It's all you get. Deal with it.
I guess my point is: it's really hot.

I'M IN CANADA

And, thus, here is a moose.

FAN ART - THUNDERCATS

I don't often like to do the whole 'fan art' thing, but I see others having fun with it so I decided to jump on that bandwagon.
These are some drawings of my three favorite 'Thundercats' characters (Panthro was my top favorite) filtered through my own sensibilities.
Love 'em... hate 'em... THUNDERCATS... HO!

HIP-POP and GANGSTA-PAP

Okay, I know I've talked about this before, so if you're bored by it then I'm really, really sorry... except that I'm actually not sorry at all. This topic deserves multiple-posts.
At the risk of catching all sorts of hell from anyone under the age of 55, I'm just really sick of hiphop and gangsta-rap's OMNIPRESENCE in the world right now.
This is not to say I hate the genres themselves (necessarily), but whatever merits they have are overwhelmed by the fact that you can't swing a dead cat without hitting something related to hiphop or gangsta-rap.
Walking down the street, I see nothing but children, teens and young adults decked out in their gangsta 'costumes'. And they ARE costumes. You might as well go trick-or-treating in you little outfits. I mean, unless you ACTUALLY sell drugs for a living and are ACTUALLY a member of the Crips you kind of open yourself up to ridicule.
It's every bit as silly as a Burger King manager walking around dressed as an astronaut.
And if you actually ARE a gansta, I've always wondered why it is you would ADVERTISE it so blatantly? I mean, wouldn't a smart criminal try to blend in with everyone else? You might as well just wave a huge flag saying "HEY POLICE! I SELL CRANK! WATCH MY EVERY MOVE AND THEN BUST ME WHEN I MAKE A SALE!"
Oh that's right... you need to dress 'tough' to command 'respect'... but - again - if the idea is to be lethal to your enemies, wouldn't it be better off to dress like a schlub and then when someone kicks up shit you really shock the hell out of them by kicking their ass? I dunno... maybe logic just has no place in the gansta culture...
But I digress...
Every billboard shows groups of multicultured kids bopping around in their baggy jeans and twisted ballcaps... every store has piped in 'R Kelly' music... every TV commercial features watered-down versions of hiphop/rap videos...
Every couple of months or so, some new movie comes ("Bring it On" etc.) out that's basically a lot of really heavily made-up naked girls prancing around with a lot of heavily-oiled male-models pretending that in spite of their perfectly groomed facial hair and dance moves that they are, contrary to all evidence, straight. Oh - and then they dance around in some primitive 'me better than you' pseudo-competition. Argh.
Die-hard fanatics of this junk will defend it by saying "Hey! Rap and Hip-Hop are offshoots of jazz, blues and R&B!" Okay... but... SO WHAT?
Again, I understand why people like jazz, blues and R&B, but I don't understand the REVERENCE towards it... tell someone that you're not into blues music and watch them look at you like you're a scumbag. "THE BLUES WERE THE PRECURSOR TO ROCK AND ROLL!!!" Okay... but the Ox-Cart was the precursor to the automobile... does that mean I should revere Ox-Carts and own several of them?
Part of the reason I'm so annoyed with this trend is BECAUSE I actually like some of the music/art/culture from these genres... but when it becomes so utterly ubiquitous as to be relentlessly saturrated, the geres themselves lose their appeal.
The same thing has happened at various times through history with punk rock, metal, disco, country, etc. And believe me, I'm just as annoyed when I see guys who are accountants during the week and then dress like cowboys or Hell's Angels on the weekends.
I guess it all boils down to people wanting to feel as though they are part of some 'group' that will make them feel all safe and warm. I just don't get that. I know it's all just another dopey trend just like anything else... I mean, let's face it... hiphop IS the new 'pop music'. But c'mon already... enough...
One of the great things about art and culture is that it's filled with VARIETY... it's all out there... it's not even that hard to seek out. Why LIMIT yourself to ONE kind of music or style? What's to be gained?
Simple-minded folk will accuse me of having these opinions because I'm a midwestern white guy... and maybe that DOES have something to do with it... but what I can say in all honesty is that I DO like rap, hiphop, R&B, blues and jazz as a part of the variety... but, just as I'd hate to have to eat one type of food for the rest of my life, I can't see the appeal of only listening to one type of music.
And just because I like sushi doesn't mean I walk out of the house dressed like a friggin' geisha.

INSOMNIA

Restlessness is a semifrequent problem for me... shutting my brain down when I go to bed at night is an incredibly involved and ritualistic process.
Like many people, I enjoy reading before going to sleep... what's demented about me, however, is that I only read things that I've already read before.
Recently I read the same book (Mike Nelson's 'Mind over Matters') twice in a row... now I'm back into my usual rotation.
The thing is, if I start reading something NEW, my brain gets too excited about what happens next and I can't stop reading... I'll keep reading until I'm up for 3 days straight and finish the book.
The only time I really get any NEW reading done is when I'm sick and have an excuse to stay in bed all day.
Suffice it to say, there are about a quadrillion books piled up in my house that I have every intention of reading, but they're sitting around waiting for me to get hit with some sort of horrid virus.
Anyway...
Sometimes even reading won't put me to sleep - or I'll wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to fall back asleep. On those occasions, I have an arsenal of little psychological meditations I practice in order to fall back asleep... for instance, I'll close my eyes and literally 'meditate' - that is - concentrate on NOT concentrating and letting my consciousness 'expand'. I know it sounds like nonsense, but it's trickier than it sounds... I used to be really good at it when it was part of the 'cool down' to my excercize routine. I'd sit and meditate for ten minutes, and when I would stop I would feel fantastic, refreshed and sometimes it would feel as though I just took a 3 hour nap.
One of my less complicated 'get back to sleep' tricks is I'll close my eyes and pretend that I'm out camping - this is a little more obvious because I find being in the woods to be very relaxing.
Lately, however, I've stumbled on a NEW little 'scenario' to help myself sleep that I'm afraid seems somewhat demented (so naturally I feel the need to talk about it here): I pretend I'm in a hospital.
Obviously the reasons for being there are very nonspecific but most certainly not at all serious. But think about it... hospital stays are one of the few times in life when nobody really expects anything of you and you can truly just relax.
Yeah... I know... I'm really weird.
Anyway... that's it, really... feel free to comment on how twisted I am.
Oh yeah, yesterday was my 36th birthday.
By the way, the coloring on the above illustration was done by Holly Kim... it was done as concept art for 'Nightmare Hunters'.

COMIC-CON MEMORIES

Okay, so these are long overdue and in retrospect not even all that interesting... this year's convention wound up being an odd affair (for reasons that will be apparent if you keep reading). I had a good time, but not nearly as much as I used to.
I got worn out really quickly and - pretty much from day one - found myself wanting to be back home with Leigh and Otto. MOST of my time there was spent doing work-related stuff... and when I wasn't engulfed in career stuff, I was drowning in the crowd. It really has just gotten way too big for my tastes.
I guess I've just kinda turned into a homebody... but - fortunately - I was there to help promote the premier of 'Yin Yang Yo!' for Disney, and when you're with 'The Mouse' it makes it really easy to navigate the rocky terrain of the comics convention. If I couldn't go in under the umbrella of 'professional', I'd never go anywhere near it.
Anyway... here are my Comic-Con 2006 sketches. They are what they are.


Just a little practical advice for future attendees...
The drive from L.A. is generally about 2 hours, and I - shockingly - made great time this year. Of course, that MAY have had something to do with the fact that I hit the road by 9AM (the convention wouldn't even be open util 6PM).
Fortunately, even though I showed up early to my hotel - which had a great view of the ocean and aircraft carriers - they let me check in early (THANK YOU, DISNEY!) and plop my stuff in my room allowing me to jam on over to the convention center a full two hours before my passes would become available. I was the first in line.


'Preview Night' was started last year as a way for professionals and the truly hardcore to show up before the rest of the mobs... but preview night was just as jammed as the regular convention.
Thank god for my PSP that's all I gotta say. I waited in line for over an hour - but I had "Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories" to keep me company.
Usually you can count on people in the 'professionals' lines to be a little less weird and a little more civilized than the comics fans themselves, and yet there was some gray-haired older dude screeching and stamping his feet with rage like a friggin' crybaby because he had to stand in line.
I mean, I'm as annoyed by lines and waiting as much as the next guy, but c'mon... this was a grown man - presumably a professional - and he was literally throwing a temper tantrum.
By the time I got back to my hotel (which was ridiculously far from the convention - THANKS, DISNEY! - I was sweaty, exhausted, smelly and starved.
Fortunately, Leigh's care package kept me energized (and fat).


I always bump into Louie and Julie DelCarmen at Comic Con (see his site - Random Anomalies - for a much better post-con wrapup). This time it was easy, though, 'cause Louie had not one but TWO books for sale at his very own booth. I did this superfast sketch of he and Julie as they sat at their table. Both of Louie's books are brilliant. Buy them by the gross.
Louie's new book was the only thing I purchased on my first day at the convention. This was a precursor to what would be a slim buying year for me.


I use the name 'Chris' because I'm not sure if he'd want me to use his real name... anyway, for those of you who know me, it's probably not who you think it is.
Anyway...
'Chris' passed on some very upsetting information to me. I don't go into details, but it was just another reason this year's convention was an emotional roller-coaster ride.

HEY BIG SPENDER!
Yep... that's me...
Most of what tickled my fancy this year came in the form of dollar-bin stuff like this... but I gotta say, I feel like I struck gold. The 'Super Goof' comic was honestly a very charming read (and NOT in an ironic way... IRONY CAN KISS MY ASS!!! I'M SICK OF IRONY!!!)... the 'Seymore My Son' - which was really just a lot of haiku-like stories about a father with a teenage son with lots of kinda lame, typical "Oh-These-Kids-Today"-style jokes - had the appeal of obviously being illustrated by Dan DeCarlo - one of my favorite comic book artists (best known for his work on 'Archie' books)... and 'The Witching Hour' was typically weird 70's fare, but I remember being scared to death of the covers of these books when I was a little kid, so it was fun to read this now that I'm all old and cynical and stuff. The psuedo-perverted cover was a fun find as well. And, hey, it was a buck.
The fact that this year I probably spent about a total of twenty-five ACTUAL dollars on ACTUAL comics (I usually spend over a grand) at the convention is a sign of how disappointed I was with it.
I usually drop the majority on my dough in 'artists alley' (mostly handmade mini-comics) and the small-press area... but this year - I dunno - it was just a lot of 'sameness' in both places.
It's not that there wasn't anything 'good'... there was... but there were no real 'must haves' (apart from Louie's books). Does anyone think about - I dunno - entertaining their audience any more? I mean, I'm all for 'Art for Art's sake', but if you really want my money, I'm sorry... call me another dumb, fat, American slob... but I like my comics to be entertaining.
That doesn't mean they have to be 'commercially entertaining', but gimme SOMETHING to latch onto.
It seemed as though all of the small press and independant stuff was either so UTTERLY void of originality (how many more superhero parodies can there be?) or so UTTERLY inaccessibly abstract (I guess the ravens symbolize your inner pain... or they're easy to draw...?) or UTTERLY without content at all (okay, enough sketchbooks filled with your lifedrawings from your first year at art school) that I just found myself saying "I don't need this" a lot.


Yep... this was how day 3 began. Kinda put everything in perspective and suddenly Comic-Con seemed even MORE silly than it usually does.
I couldn't possibly have made it home in time for the funeral, which just frustrated me... I wasn't particularly close to my grandma, but I wanted to be there for my dad.


This was the view of dudes I ate dinner with that night. This was my first real day of doing lots of promo stuff for YYY, so I was dressed semi-formally and, of course, decked out entirely in black... so I was a sticky, sweaty mess by this time.
The food at this place was great, though... it's one of those Brazillian places where they just continuously bring skewer after skewer of dead animal flesh - freshly grilled - to your table and you devour it like a carnasaur. My kinda restaurant!


This was where everything really deteriorated. These idiots showed up after I had tucked my little head into bed and was in a blissfully deep sleep (I let them all crash in my hotel because I'm just really great like that) and, naturally, their arrival meant we had to all get up and go to the hotel bar for shots and talk about 'Spider-Man'. It was great.
From here on out everything was a blur of doing autograph signings at the YYY booth and panels and screenings and meetings and interviews etc. etc. etc.
My most heartwarming thanks to everyone who came to the panel as well as everyone who stopped by the booth.


Speaking of booths, MAD props (as the kids say) to Ira, Albert and Raphael for not only selling a ton of 'Hot Mexican Love Comics' (go to www.hotmexicanlovecomics.com) but for scoring a distribution deal with Diamond Press! This means - before you know it - the anthology (with a story by me'n'Leigh) will be available across the nation and around the world!
I really must give HUGE credit to Ira who did such a bang-up job composing, editing and marketing this book.
In the photo, that's Ira and Raphael and the sad-looking dope in the back is me.


This little guy represents everything that's still good and pure about Comic-Con.

YEAH, I KNOW...

Undoubtedly you're all wondering where my brilliant commentary on Comic-Con is... IT'S COMING, OKAY?!?! IT'S BEEN A BUSY WEEK!!! I ACTUALLY WORK FOR A LIVING, Y'KNOW! SO ALL OF YOU JUST CHILL OUT ALREADY!!!

*whew*

Seriously, though, I do have several pages of sketchbooks coming... I'll try to get them posted sometime this weekend.

If you want a truly in-depth look at ComiCon, go to Louie's site (as linked over to yonder right). His site's better anyway.

Why are you even here? Hell, why am I even here...

In the meantime, go to:

http://tv.disney.go.com/jetix/video/index.html

It has an episode of 'Yin Yang Yo!' that was written and directed by me. Enjoy!

THE HERO OF COMICON

COMIC-CON PLUGS A-PLENTY

I'm going to try REALLY hard to keep a detailed diary of my experiences at Comic-Con this year - drawings and photos - specifically for this blog... so if you're a student of anthropology, keep checking back for updates 'cause when it comes to observing the human animal in its most primitive state, nothin' beats Comic-Con!

On Friday, Bob Boyle - creator of Yin! Yang! Yo! - and myself will apparently be doing a drawing demonstration at the Jetix Booth in aisle 3823... I'm not sure what time we're doing it yet... no one's told me. Look here for updates between now and Tuesday.

From www.comic-con.org

Saturday, July 22nd
1:30-2:30 JETIX— Learn what's hot and new at JETIX! You'll get a chance to win exclusive Power Rangers Mystic Force props and a one-of-a-kind piece of signed comic book art for the new JETIX comedy Yin Yang Yo! Catch a sneak peek of Yin Yang Yo! with appearances by creative/executive producer Bob Boyle, co-executive producer/head writer Steve Marmel, and director John Fountain. Also preview the cool new shows Oban Star Racers, Jackie Chan Adventures, and Pucca, and get the inside story on JETIX's new shows with ABC Cable execs Mike Moon, Tracy McAndrew, and Jermaine Turner. Room 2

Also, Bob and myself will be doing drawings and signing stuff at the Jetix Booth in aisle 3823 after the above panel discussion. I'm also told we will be giving away prizes in the form of autographed stuff in case you're into that sort of thing... autographs notwithstanding (god I love that word), the prize is a special limited edition poster that's actually pretty cool. Ya gotta see it.

Also, be sure to hunt down, visit, and buy:

YIN! YANG! YO!

me (in the hat) and Steve Marmel (not in the hat)


It's PLUGGIN' time, folks... here's the press-release Disney put out about the show I've been working on for the past year:

BURBANK and PASADENA, July 10, 2006 . . . "Yin Yang Yo!," a new action/adventure/comedy series created, directed and executive produced by Bob Boyle ("The Fairly OddParents"); written and co-executive produced by comedian and animation veteran Steve Marmel ("The Fairly OddParents") and co-directed by John Fountain ("The Fairly OddParents"), will premiere in a Yin Yang Yoverthrow programming event on MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 (6:00 a.m.–12:00 midnight) taking over the Jetix block on Toon Disney. "Yin Yang Yo!" will air in half-hour installments every weeknight (7:30 p.m., ET/PT) during Jetix, it was announced today at the Television Critics Association press tour by Gary Marsh, President, Entertainment, Disney Channel Worldwide.
Marsh said, "Young viewers will be treated to imaginative characters, madcap adventures, physical comedy and great stories told from a truly unique point of view, a perfect fit for our Jetix block."
Geared towards kids 6-11 with cleverly written comedy and visually engaging anime, the series is produced utilizing Flash animation software. Beginning in September 2006, "Yin Yang Yo!" joins the Jetix schedules in Europe, Latin America and the U.S.
"Yin Yang Yo!" follows the antics of hyper-kinetic tween rabbits Yin and Yang who, when faced with the sometimes threatening and mostly idiotic forces of evil (including Carl the evil Cockroach Wizard who still lives with his mom), must temporarily put aside their sibling rivalry to learn the mystical martial art of Woo Foo, the energy that allows them to defeat enemies ten times stronger than themselves. They train under the guidance of Master Yo, an irritable old panda forced out of retirement to rebuild the lost art, two heroes at a time. Alas Yin and Yang's judgment most often misses the mark, always with hilarious consequences.
Beginning today, kids can log onto the Jetix website (www.jetix.tv) and watch a preview of series via the website's broadband player. Each week leading up to the September 4 on-air premiere, a new eleven-minute segment of the series will roll out online.


So that's the deal... if you go to the web-site you can see images from the show and watch the first episode 'Dojo Oh-No' which was storyboarded and directed by me... I'm especially proud of it because it was my first time directing anything using 'Flash' (an animation program). Lotsa folks in the animation industry are wary of Flash because a lot of shows produced with it wind up looking all flat and cheap, but I think this episode proves that - like all animation software - it's an effective tool if used properly.

But if you'd rather spend your time laughing at what an unfortunate-looking and foolish sort of guy I am, go to www.rabbittakeover.com and watch our little live-action promos which feature myself, Bob Boyle, Steve Marmel, my good pal Eric Trueheart and some of the other crew from the show.

Here's what I mean by 'unfortunate' and 'foolish':


For more laughs at my expense, go visit the Rabbit Takeover site and enjoy giving me nonstop crap about it.
Never let it be said that I don't go all out for my job...

ALSO...

As part of the promotional blitz, I will be doing several signings and a panel discussion (which will also include an episode screening) at the Jetix booth/panel at the San Diego ComiCon next week. (www.comic-con.org for details). So if you plan to be there, come by and say 'hi'. If you don't plan on being there... well... it's probably just as well. The ComiCon has gotten WAAAYYYYY too crowded in recent years.

Anyway...

A QUICK YET IMPORTANT MESSAGE

You're all probably still reading my review of 'Superman Returns' ('cause it's so long? Get it? HUH? GET IT?) but I wanted to take a moment to relay a very important message to the teenagers of the Los Angeles area - specifically the hellhole known as 'The Valley':
IT'S A HUNDRED MILLION DEGREES OUT! TAKE OFF THE SWEATSHIRTS, HOODIES AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY TAKE OFF THE @#$%^&*(!!!! STOCKING CAPS YOU 'TARDS! NO, SCRATCH THAT... A 'TARD IS SMART ENOUGH NOT TO DRESS LIKE IT'S WINTER IN THE FRIGGIN' SUMMERTIME!!! YOU'RE TEENAGERS! YOU SWEAT ENOUGH AS IT IS! I KNOW - I WAS THERE! I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE ALL TRYING REALLY HARD TO LOOK LIKE GANGSTA RAPPERS, BUT F'R CRYIN' OUT LOUD, GET RID OF THE LAYERS UPON LAYERS OF WHAT IS SURELY HORRID-SMELLING WINTER CLOTHING!!! YOU DON'T LOOK TOUGH, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLY DUMB!!! STOP IT! JUST! STOP! IT!
*whew* - thanks. Now get back to reading my review.

SUPERMAN RETURNS: My Review

Superman has always been my favorite comic book hero... partially for all of the obvious reasons - the great powers, etc. - but I also think it largely has to do with the fact that I, too, am a small-town boy at heart with aspirations that reach far and wide. I, too, am a cornball who believes in 'truth, justice and the American way' (yes, that's right - the AMERICAN way - chew on that politically-correct apologist sissies).
One of the reasons I love the original Richard Donner film is because he portrayed the character for what he really is - an overgrown boyscout - and made no bones about it.
And who can deny that Christopher Reeve embraced that role so profoundly that it basically removed any hope of him being recognized for any other performance (we'll call it the 'Mark Hamill' syndrome).

My point with all of this is that I go into a movie with the name 'Superman' attatched to it with a lot of lofty expectations - perhaps unrealistically lofty.

'Superman Returns' is a good movie. That's about all I can say right now. The character is treated with the same love and care as the originals and the homages to the Donner films are almost constant. Brandon Routh is fine, and Kevin Spacey is great. But there was just something missing...
My initial feeling is that SO much effort was put into capturing the magic of the original films (including a musical score lifted directly from the brilliant John Williams scores) that film itself was somewhat self-suffocating.

While Routh's acting was perfectly servicable, I didn't feel like he was given enough character-driven action to really bring Superman to life in this version.
Reeve's Superman had a sparkling sense of humor, a temper, and sometimes even a bit of an ego. Routh was clearly overburdened with meeting a gazillion different expectations, and it wound up making both Superman and Clark Kent seem like a cardboard cutout that the rest of the characters interacted with.

Meanwhile, this broad who played Lois Lane - whatzername - was basically irrelevant. I can say with all honesty that I have NEVER approved of her being cast as Lois, and I was 100% right. She's too damned young for one thing, and she's FAR too 'cutesy' to play a tuff dame like Lois. This actress, whom I'm sure might be good in other rolls but I'm too peeved with right now to even bother looking up her name, was far too 'Prime-Time WB sweeps-week eye-candy'.

Parkey Posey plays Lex Luthor's girlfriend in the film, and frankly I think she would have made a MUCH better Lois. I would actually be willing to bet the farm that Posey was Bryan Singer's first choice, but the studio suits probably pulled rank and said "NAH, YA GOTTA GET SOME HOT YOUNG LITTLE CHIPPY IN THERE!"

My other major problem with the movie is - as with many movies - the presence of a moppety-haired little kid. Lois' son Jason (I think every kid in every movie is named 'Jason') acts as a major plotpoint - I won't give away how, but suffice it to say: I hated it.

Having said all of that, the special effects were great - it was nice to see Superman fly and actually have it LOOK REAL. Its connections to the first two 'Superman' movies was enjoyable ('Returns' is considered a "loose sequel" to 'Superman II' taking place five years later).

Anyway, all in all I'd be lying if I said I wasn't kinda disappointed. I made the mistake of letting my hopes get too high.
As a workhorse to re-start the franchise, I'm sure it'll do fine... maybe if they make another one, I'll like it more. After all, I was equally disappointed by the first 'X-Men' film, but loved the second one. Maybe now that this one is out of the way, Singer, Routh and Warner Brothers in general can loosen their belts a little and let the characters breathe a little more in the next film.

Of course, they'd have to kill off that little kid's character - my... wouldn't THAT be interesting?

I'm anxious to hear YOUR thoughts... so... let the discussion begin!

I HATE BUREAUCRACY WITH ALL THE FLAMES OF HELL

My head is an absolute whirlwind of crap right now and ordinarily I'm pretty good at staying on top of things, but I really am feeling like every time I accomplish one task, twenty other tasks take its place - so I subconsciously wind up feeling like I'm just better off not tackling ANY of my little chores, 'cause then 'they' can't pile more on me (whoever 'they' is). Of course, that's completely counterproductive, but what can I say? I have my limits.
Right now I've got major career issues that require massive amounts of time, energy, money and attention - it's like juggling chainsaws... I've got some sort of nonsense to deal with about my stupid car and the DMV that I don't really understand... I've got a pile of insurance-related paperwork that has needed my attention for ages now... the list goes on...

Come to think of it, my biggest beef with this modern world in general is how deeply embedded bureaucracy has become in our everyday life.

Despite what my family and friends may say, I'm not a stupid person... I have a college degree... I'm generally a good troubleshooter... my thought processes are generally very logical...

And yet, any time you put a pile of paperwork in front of me dealing with any kind of insurance, legal documents, medical documents, credit statements, registrations, 401K, etc. I feel like I'm two years old.

When did everything get so friggin' COMPLICATED? Every time I fill out one form, I get ten more in the mail saying I did it wrong and now I've got to fill out a new pile of forms explaining why. This makes me paranoid about filling out forms at all. I just want to move to the mountains and hide away and eat roots and berries for the rest of my life when I get this crap in the mail.
And, naturally, it's all written in this completely bizarre language that NOBODY actually speaks in - designed to cause as much confusion as humanly possible. I'd be less upset by it all if I wasn't utterly convinced that somebody out there got paid (oftentimes with tax dollars) to devise these completely ass-backwards systems.

It seems to me, the key role of beaurocracy is to feed itself and keep growing until it chokes the life out of everything simple and good in the world. And we all simply accept it and whenever we screw up, we assume it's our fault. How many times have you had to call some sort of support line or help desk and been made to feel like a jackass for asking a question that was ENTIRELY legitimate? Never? Well, it happens to ME all the time.
One time I called the Macintosh tech support number for a question that most people would find extremely simple... now, I am the first to admit that I am NOT very 'tech-savvy', and I stated that to the douchebag who 'helped' me right away... he went on to explain what I needed to do in the most complicated way possible, and I kept having to stop him every two seconds to have him clarify everything because he was using terms that - while I'm sure are very common if you're the guy from 'PI' and surround yourself with a million computers and can calculate the time of day on Mars when the sun first rises on the northern hemisphere in the year 10,000 - BUT I AINT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING TECH SUPPORT!
And this guy has the gall to become impatient with ME!
I finally say to him 'Look - I'm not a computer guy... I'm an animator... I'll bet if I started jabbering on and on about putting a twist-truck-out with a blur pan on ones you'd have no idea what I'm talking about... that's how I feel with YOU... so just cut me some slack!'
This just made him more snotty and I wound up talking to his supervisor who explained to me what I needed to do to fix my computer in about two seconds in a very calm, friendly and understanding way. But by this time I was so ragged that her competence was overshadowed by his massive incompetence.

I'm tired of ranting now... have a nice day...

MORE VOMIT-BAG ART

Those of you who frequent this blog (as well as Leigh's) may very well notice that neither of us has updated then in a while. The fact is, we've both been burning the candle at both ends... she just started a new job and I've been swamped with my current one - I was sent on a last-minute mission to Toronto last week (which is always a delight since it's at least a full day's worth of travel).
Next week I'll be jetting up to Vancouver for a super-secret project as well...
So, anyway, the point is - we've both been really busy. Heap sympathy upon me.
There's not a lot to comment on other than my hectic life - but at the very least I thought I'd post this little gem of a scene I spotted while hopping from plane to plane last week. Enjoy.

FILTH IS FUNNY!!!

Here's my idea for a hilarious sit-com! Look for it this fall on one of your favorite networks! MAN, I'm a comedy genius...

I INVENTED A DRINK!

So Leigh and I were relaxing over the course of the weekend, and she started making herself a cocktail... one of her go-to drinks is a 'dirty martini' which basically involves dumping a bunch of olive or onion brine into a regular martini.
I've tried them before and they didn't really thrill me a whole lot (which probably has something to do with me not liking onions OR olives).
But as she's making her drink, it occurs to me that I like PICKLES... so I sez to her, "Hey, make ME one - but use pickle brine!"
She proceeds to mix vermouth, vodka and the brine... I take a sip and - lo and behold - it tastes REALLY GOOD!
Now, obviously, if you hate pickles or tart-tasting stuff in general, you aint gonna like it, but I really dug it! The pickle juice really mixed nicely with the vodka. On top of that, if you garnish it with some pickle slices (baby dills work best), they taste awesome after they soak up some booze!
Naturally, it was then incumbent upon me to name my new creation - after a few false starts, we let the natural phallus-like quality of the pickle be the inspiration and christened it: THE DIRTY DILLDO MARTINI! (it puts the 'DILL' in 'DILDO'!)
The 'Dirty Dilldo Martini' is now a registered trademark of John Fountain and Fountains Pen Productions, all rights reserved 2006 - no use of said name may be allowed without written permission by its inventor or his agents.
Smooth! Refreshing! Pickle-y! Try the John Fountain Dirty Dilldo Martini tonight!

PAST AND PRESENT

I don't really have the time to go into anything particularly new or interesting today, so I just thought I'd post this sample from one of my older sketchbook entries along with a recent waterccolor painting.
Neither of them relate in any way, but somehow I thought they went well together.
If you click on the image you can see it in larger form - it makes the text easier to read. Nothing can be done, however, about my horrible handwriting.

BRETT RATNER IS A BRETT HACK-NER

Look, I'm sure I'm not the only nerd who is using his blog space to rip on Brett Ratner for ruining the "X-Men 3" movie, but here's the difference between me and most of them: I don't really care about 'X-Men'.
I never quite got into the X-comics for a multitude of reasons... too many characters being one of them... but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate their appeal.
Actually, for my money, I preferred the classic X-Men when it was the professor, Jean, Iceman, Beast, Cyclopse and Angel. Once it started getting into dudes throwing decks of cards around and chicks who could steal life-force, I started kinda getting bored.

Having said that, I thought the first X-movie was good. Not 'really good'... just 'good'. The second one I would say was really, really, REALLY good (one more 'really' and I woulda called it 'great').
My point is, I don't have a lifetime invested in X-men the way I do Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, The Hulk and some of my other major favorites... consequently, I feel I'm in a good position to be objective with the films.
Which brings me to my real point: "X-Men 3" is a unchartably awful film.
I'm a pretty easy sell when it comes to science fiction or fantasy... even if the story is ass, I can still get into the pretty pictures and the special effects and the things that go 'boom'. I will defend all of the 'Matrix' sequels and the 'Star Wars' prequels... So it's not like I'm a tough audience.

This leads us to only one conclusion: Brett Ratner is a truly horrible director.

The thing is, I saw 'Rush Hour' (and I think I might have seen 'Rush Hour 2' for some reason)... again, horrible movies, but Jackie Chan's fight choreography is enough to keep me from jamming a cattle prod into my urethra... it was "Red Dragon" (the "Silence of the Lambs" prequel) that gave me my first real taste of hating Ratner. Here was a film with an amazing cast, great book AND a great movie to base this updated version on, and somehow Ratner STILL managed to mess it up. Fortunately, his (snicker) 'directing' didn't completely destroy the film's enjoyability, but he sure came close.
I also made the mistake of listening to his 'commentary' on 'Dragon's DVD... my goodness what a blowhard. I just can't even describe it. If you're ever feeling suicidal but you're one reason shy of enough reasons to actually pull the trigger, listen to about 90 seconds of Ratner's commentary on the 'Red Dragon' DVD. It'll make you hate kittens.

Nonetheless, 'Red Dragon' was years ago, so I actually allowed myself to go into 'X-3' with a certain degree of cautious optimism... "Maybe the story is so good that it'll overpower Ratner's suckiness"... "Maybe Bryan Singer's style has rubbed off on him"... "Maybe he'll get really good storyboard artists"... ANYTHING... I clung to hope. Silly me.

Ratner's directing is like a black hole that sucks in anything and everything good or appealing and shatters it into nothingness... forever lost in the cold void of Ratner's ass.
Joel "I Turned The Batman Franchise Into An Episode of H.R. Puffinstuff" Schumacher must be overjoyed by "X-3" insomuch as it has the potential to draw peoples' attention away from his abominations for a while.

Ratner clearly hates X-Men fans... but he hates NON X-Men fans as well. He hates all moviegoers and lovers of film.

Brett Ratner hates you.

"X-3" was directed in such a way that if you're a die-hard fan, you'll be monumentally disappointed, saddened and even angered... if you're just a casual moviegoer, you'll be bored, confused and filled with an un-named hate (allow me to help you target that hate: RATNER!).

Major story points are glossed over as if they mean nothing, important plot developments are farted out without thought... beloved characters are treated like so much fodder - you will care nothing about any of these people portrayed in this movie.
I don't care if you still sleep in 'Wolverine Underoos', you will drown in your own indifference at this movie.The special effects are cheap, the dialogue could just as easily be delivered by a bunch of dental assistants as they could superpowered mutants, there are a total of about 4 really chincy-looking sets throughout the entire movie that look as they were shot in Stan Lee's back yard and you just get the overall impression that Ratner was told that if he brought the whole thing in under budget he'd get a bonus and then went and cut costs in half.
Halle Barry should make every movie with Brett. They're perfectly paired. That's all I'll say about her performance.

Alas, however, this movie had a great opening weekend - Ratner is rolling in cash while Lindsay Lohan massages his puffy pink feet and dreams of playing the heroine in his next blockbuster. Movie executives (possiblly the only people in the world dumber than actors) will say "Duuuuhhhrrrr-welp! It made uh whole buncha munnee! Guess that means Brett is a great duh-wreck-tor! Let's let him direct the re-make of 'Citizen Kane'!"

Sleep well tonight, Brett Ratner - go to bed with the assurance that you came along at JUST the right time... a time when people have gotten so stupid and their expectations sunken so low that someone like you can be a millionaire.

EXCELSIOR!

DON'T BE ANGRY

No, really... seriously... don't be angry. It's not allowed. Society won't accept it.
When did it become so taboo to be angry about something? I don't mean VIOLENT... I just mean 'angry'. If you say you're 'angry' people flip out and assume you're going to pull out a shotgun and start blasting away. That's not 'angry', that's 'psycho'.
The absolute most you can get away with in day-to-day circles is 'upset.' But 'upset' isn't always particularly accurate. I equate 'upset' with having hurt feelings. And if you say "I'm feeling upset", people tend to react with sympathetic hugs and positive reassurance... which is, of course, the last thing you want when you're angry. If you say you're upset when you're actually angry and someone starts slathering you with weepy new-age hippie psychobabbly bullshit, it just makes you angrier.
The 'politically correct' way to say you're angry is by saying you're 'frustrated'. "I'm not angry at you... I'm just frustrated with the situation." Again, frustration is what I feel when I'm find out that my alarm didn't go off and I have to rush around to make it to work on time. It's not the same as angry.
Generally speaking, if someone says they're 'frustrated' with you, it means they're angry as hell at you.
When did we all become so afraid of our emotions? Life is a rollercoaster ride and we should embrace the fact that from time to time we're going to feel truckloads of different emotions. If we were happy all the time, life would be profoundly boring.
We're all so petrified of hurting each others' feelings... everyone's walking on eggshells... all forms of expression are stifled by this subliminated requirement not to offend anyone.
It's very... frustrating.

NIGHTMARE HUNTERS

'NIGHTMARE HUNTERS' AND ALL RELATED IMAGES, GRAPHICS, TEXT, CONCEPTS AND CONTENT ARE REGISTERED, COPYRIGHTED TRADEMARKS OF JOHN FOUNTAIN - 2006 - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NO PART OF 'NIGHTMARE HUNTERS' MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF ITS AUTHOR AND CREATOR, JOHN FOUNTAIN.

*Whew*! Now that I got THAT stuff outta the way, perhaps I should explain...

Several years ago while I was still on "The Fairly Oddparents", I got this idea for an animated show that was intended to be a sort of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' meets 'Vampire Hunter D' that would be appropriate for younger audiences.
Thus, the concept of 'Nightmare Hunters' was born... the idea being that nightmares have figured out a way to break into our reality and feed on our psyches (or 'figment' as it is known in the story) the way vampires feed on blood.
The two main characters, Rem and Luci, are the only two who can fight them off (for reasons that will be explained later) and the stories follow their adventures as they try to keep these dream-demons at bay.

Anyway, I loved this idea so much that as I continued to develop it and write scripts around it, I decided I needed to take time off from the daily grind of animation so that I could devote myself more fully to my new baby. I had lots of other ideas that I was pitching around, but this one was really dear to my heart. (By the way, do me a favor and don't bother writing in and saying "So-and-so already had that idea" or whatever... the notion of fighting nightmares is not 'new ground', but I can say that my take on it is honestly and sincerely my own, and that's why I'm protecting my rights to it here).

So, I quit FOP (much to everyone's shock) and whored myself out as a freelancer for a while, but my primary focus was on THIS concept.

Eventually I pitched it around and one of the major animation studios in town loved it and - after lots of haggling - optioned it for development as a possible television series (the studio shall remain nameless purely for the sake of caution, but I will go on record as saying that the experience working with them was generally very positive).
Anyway, for those of you who are fotunate enough not to be in the entertainment industry, an 'option' means that they pay you some money for the temporary rights to your idea... in my case, the option was for a maximum of two years... in that time, you work with the buyer to show them your concepts and make adjustments based on everyone's interests.
If they decide to permanently acquire the concept within the option deadline, they have to pay you more and then it gets made into a regular series - but THEY own it after that.
In my case, when their option deadline runs out, all rights to the characters, stories and everything else revert back to me.

And that's exactly what happened yesterday.

I had determined long before anyone optioned it that I wanted to do a comic book version so that if all the networks passed on it I could simply self-publish the comics and enjoy it for 'art's sake'.

While I'm obviously kinda bummed that it's been passed on (by this network) I'm also thrilled now that I have the opportunity to secure its copyright by publishing it on this blog. And you, dear reader, are now a part of it as a witness. So you have my thanks.

To be honest, as I dive back into working on the comic version, it's some of the most fun I've ever had. I can go back to my original stories without having to worry about 'network standards' or anything like that and just let my own bliss dictate the narrative.

Anyway, I hope to have the first issue done by this time next year (where I intend to premier it at ComiCon).

I'll have updates as they occur.

Now I'd like to take the time to publicly thank some folks who helped me during the pitching/developing process... most of them got paid either very little or nothing at all, but the hard work, support and encouragement they provided made it an extremely rewarding experience...
Holly Kim - Holly was my initial 'barometer' for the idea... she would look at the drawings, read my stuff and give me her brutally honest feedback. She also provided me with positively mind-blowing colors and graphic designs for the pitch materials.
Eric Trueheart - The only creative force other than myself who actually got paid by the studio. Eric co-write the script and a lot of the pitch material. Beyond that, however, Eric did COUNTLESS revisions for me off-the-clock (i.e. for free) out of sheer enthusiasm. He was my first choice for who I wanted as my scriptwriter, and it was great having him with me in the trenches. This project was not the last time you will see the fruits of a Eric/John teamup.
Louie DelCarmen, Cynthia French and Heather Chavez - These three nutjobs actually drew storyboards for me on their free time! Can you believe it? Louie, in fact, provided an action sequence that rivals the speeder-bike chase in 'Return of the Jedi'. Anyone who is a board artist or knows a board artist knows that they work really long hours, so taking on freelance work is often just not an option - yet Louie, Cynthia and Heather somehow did it and I couldn't be more grateful.
Jason Stiff - Unfortunately, we never got to the point where we needed music, but VERY early on Jason agreed to do some original scoring for it. The fact that someone as talented and cool as Jason was willing to jump in on something that had the potential of NO payoff was wildly flattering and encouraging. That encouragement, alone, was like rocket-fuel for me.
Ian Graham - Who said to me VERY early on: 'Don't try to do it all yourself.' This simple yet profound bit of advice has snowballed into a whole other work philosophy for me that has had long-lasting positive effects.
and of course...
Leigh Phillips my wonderful Fiancee who gave nonstop support and the kind of objective guidance no one that's IN the animation industry could possibly provide.
You all make up "The Dream Team" and you have my humble thanks.

Anyway, the future of Nightmare Hunters is still very bright... I can't go into any more details, but what I can say is at the very least I will do a comic of it that should be out sometime next year.

And remember:

NIGHTMARE HUNTERS IS A COPYRIGHTED TRADEMARK OF JOHN FOUNTAIN - 2006 - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Man that feels good...

BO BICE NEEDS OUR HELP!!!

Yes, it's time once again for everyone's LEAST favorite segment on this blog: JOHN DECONSTRUCTS VIDEOS HE SAW ON VH1 THIS MORNING!
Now, before you start rolling your eyes, if the 'music video genre' is, indeed, a serious art form, then why SHOULDN'T we look more closely at them? After all, are they not a mirror held up to society? Hmm? Huh? Hmmm?
Anyway...
I gotta talk about Bo Bice... I'm deeply concerned for his wellbeing.
As I understand it, the reason he 'exists' as he does is because he was on 'American Idol'. So, regardless of what I think of his music, apparently America wants Bo Bice (doesn't his name sound like Mushmouth from the 'Fat Albert' show is asking for 'more rice'? But I digress). Being a big believer in democracy, I say: DIG IN, AMERICA! Take a big, heaping helping of Bo Bice and enjoy. You've earned him. You have my blessing.
But what of Bo himself? Has anyone bothered to concern themselves with HIS needs? Apparently not. Thank goodness for ME.
So in his latest (only?) video, it depicts him walking - nay - strutting down a city street... paparazzi photographers use FBI-quality zoom lenses to snap fleeting pictures of the almost mythologically beautiful man, his pert-plus hair flowing in the breeze...
Occasionally when he walks by some 'regular' people (i.e. non-celebrities), they turn and look with appropriate amazement that Bo is actually out walking around among the commoners (who, naturally, are not actually commoners but actors being paid to pretend that they love Bo). They all (women AND men) drop everything they're doing and start chasing after our lanky hero (I'm sure their employers will waive whatever punishments would ordinarily befall a worker who fails to report in once they get wind that Bo was involved... they will undoubtedly be filled with jealousy that they weren't there for it).
Now, mind you, when I first saw this video I was CERTAIN that there was going to be some twist at the end of it all and it was all going to be a dream or the crowds were going to run past him and he'd be left alone all sad or something... I would have bet MONEY on it I was so certain that was gonna happen.
But I underestimated Bo.
Anyway, the mob of (mostly) hot girls who are wetting themselves over the presence of Bo grows and suddenly Bo is on stage gracing the city with an impromptu concert (for some reason it takes eight months to schedule someone to come over and install my cable box, and yet throwing up a stage and getting the band and sound equipment happens in a matter of nanoseconds in the world of this video).
There are occasional cutaway shots of Bo singing into the camera (undoubtedly admiring himself in the monitors) and taking that 'Jesus pose' (see illustration) that long-haired rock-stars seem to love so much (as if to say 'Yes... I am you messiah of rock, baby!') but it inevitably returns to his concert which now has an entire metropolitan city gathered around to worship at the alter of Bo.
As the song continues, I sit and wait for the twist-ending I've come to expect... or for the crowd of people to all yell "PSYCH!" at Bo and start laughing at him.
But the 'twist' never happens. This video is ACTUALLY about sending a message that says 'Bo thinks he's really awesome'.
Now, at first I was going to direct my critique at the director, but let's face it... we all know it had to be Bo who browbeat some poor slob of a struggling filmmaker into making this video a demonstration of pure ego. Can't you just picture THAT conversation?
DIRECTOR:"Okay, Bo, I was thinking we'd do something with you alone in a room with a spotlight on you and - "
BO: (interrupts) "NO WAY, MAN! LET'S HAVE ME WALKING DOWN A STREET AND BIG CROWDS OF SCREAMING GIRLS CHASE AFTER ME AND THEN I GIVE AN IMPROMPTU CONCERT AND ROCK EVERYONE'S WORLD!"
DIRECTOR: "Um... like when The Beatles gave their rooftop performance? I'm not sure that - "
BO: (interrupts again) "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 'BEATLES'? WHAT DO BUGS GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING! JUST CALL CENTRAL CASTING AND GET ME A CROWD OF HOT CHICKS! BECAUSE I'M SO VERY STRAIGHT!"
DIRECTOR: "Yes sir, Mr. Bice."
So, as you can tell, Bo desperately needs our help... if he is allowed to continue to think he's ACTUALLY great and not just another blip on the pop-culture radar, his ego may grow to such huge proportions that it could literally, physically crush him... and I want Bo alive and well so that he can continue to embarass himself for a couple of more years and then live the deliciously pitiful life of a 'has-been'.
This guy is pure, horriffic comedy... let's make sure we keep him healthy. Please give to the "HELP BO LIVE A LONG TIME BECAUSE HE'S GOOD FOR SOME CHEAP LAFFS" foundation... every little bit helps.
Thank you.