WHY STAR WARS IS COOL: Episode Two

It just IS, dammit!

WHY 'STAR WARS' IS COOL - Episode One (of a quadrillion episode series)

Much to my own shock, I actually have a few minutes to spend on something other than work, and so I have chosen to indulge by 'blogging' about how cool 'Star Wars' is. Tragic, isn't it? Oh well... my thoughts on the current state of the presidential race will have to wait...

I'd like to challenge you (by 'you' I mean the four people who read this blog regularly) to think about your life before 'Star Wars' (later appropriately re-released as 'Star Wars - Episode 4: A New Hope'). Seriously... think about it for a moment. Think about the period in your life when there simply wasn't anything called 'Star Wars.'

Now think about your life AFTER seeing it for the first time.

It changed you a little bit, didn't it? It got you excited... it rallied your imagination...

Now, maybe you're one of those people who believes that every sequel/prequel after 'The Empire Strikes Back' was a dud (I have yet to hear someone denounce 'Empire' as anything other than sheer genius... so we shan't bother speculating on the possibility that someone out there feels that way)... I'm not out to argue your opinions of the other movies, comics, cartoons, the 'Holiday Special' or any other of the branches of the 'Star Wars' franchise. You are entitled to your opinions and I respect that.

But what you MUST admit is that 'Star Wars' is really friggin' cool.

Even if you loved the first movie but HATED all of the others, the reason you probably hate them is because the first one was so friggin' cool that it ALTERED you... you had been brought into this whole new fantastical world and it got you excited about a bunch of people, creatures, planets, weapons and stuff that AREN'T REAL.

Now take a moment and think about how amazing that is.

Real life can't be beat. Real life is awesome. Real life is filled with so much adventure and drama that there really is no 'need' for fiction at all. Thus, the fact that something that is utterly made-up (and on many levels absurd) can affect anyone to the degree that 'Star Wars' has is nothing short of astonishing.

'Star Wars' inspired me to draw a lot as a child (see the above illustration - drawn in kindergarden, this is a scan of an actual 'ditto' of the original)... this led me to get into animation... this led me to come to L.A. where I met the love of my life and got married... y'see what I mean by 'Star Wars' having an 'affect'? There are probably only a small handful of stimuli that have had a truly profound influence on where I have steered my life's course (among them, of course, are less whimsical elements like family, friends, religion, etc.). I'm sorry if I'm beating this point into the ground, but the fact that a wonky little film about robots and space-ships can have such a great influence is, to me, incredibly cool.

And, if you will forgive my presumption here, I don't think I'm the only one in the past 30-something years who was affected in such a way by it.

An undeniable, traceable, permanent affect... that's GOT to put 'Star Wars' in the category of "great art" doesn't it?

And, yes, it's become a gajillion-dollar franchise and all that... some of it is good, some of it is horrible... but it doesn't erase the original affect. Not for me anyway.

My point is, 'Star Wars' is really, really, really cool.

P.S. I wrote this while sipping ice-water out of a vintage 1977 Coca-Cola/Burger King glass (thanks, Leigh!) with Chewbacca on it.

WINE AND DINE SNOB IS BORN!

From the desk of Leigh:

Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting Kelly Cook, founder of and editor for
the snob empire, (www.bagsnob.com, www.jewelsnob.com, www.totsnob.com,
www.beautysnob.com) and we got to talking about food – and lo and behold, we
have birthed the latest addition to the snob empire...
http://wineanddinesnob.blogspot.com

More reviews forthcoming folks – and no, they won’t all be scathing. This is
merely a coincidence. Kelly got food poisoning at London - and my experience at
Ciudad was just far less than great, period.

My review of Bond St. is pretty positive - you'll see. We’re just waiting on
pretty photos from their camp.

We have four editors on-board - who will be scouring the states for delectable
delights - and sharing the good, the bad and the ugly with you - including Kelly
Cook, Eva, (Kelly's East-Coast-Based sister) Dan Dunn, (the Imbiber and
Contributing Editor to Maxim and its Sirius radio program, Playboy and AM New
York - and possibly others I'm unaware of and the man gets paid to drink too,
which is just plain remarkable) and finally - little ol' me.

There will also be occasional 'napkin art' illustrations (shown above)
by my husband John to captureany visual uniqueness we come across.

Between the four of us, we will undoubtedly have differing perspectives of the
same place(s) from time-to-time and will therefore be reviewing restaurants as
often as we see fit.

So, enjoy... and please visit the other snob sites too!

Sincerely,

Leigh Hope Fountain, (Self-Proclaimed Food Critic Extraordinaire)

HOT MEXICAN LOVE NUMERO OCHO!

That's right, amigos and amigas... HOT MEXICAN LOVE COMICS #8 is out there and ready for your dineros! It features a story in rhyme that is - for the third time - written by my lovely wife Leigh and illustrated in my "anti-slick" style.
This particular story brings our "water trilogy" (i.e. three stories about the unique properties of Mexican water) to a bombastic, zombie-filled conclusion.
Need a taste? Here's yer taste:

Now if that's not enough to get your PayPal or credit card jamming on over to the HMLC web site and ordering a hundred copies then I just can't help you. Oh wait - yeah I can... here's the link:

http://www.hotmexicanlovecomics.com/

Also, check out the blog for ComiCon appearances and updates:

http://hotmexicanlovecomics.blogspot.com/

And while you're at it, shouldn't you complete your collection of our books, paintings and other merchandise at:

http://fountainspenproductions.blogspot.com/
http://fountainspen.deviantart.com/

Okay... enough plugging and pitching... JUST BUY STUFF, OKAY?! SHEESH...
Oh - and enjoy the comic!

OFFENSENSITIVITY

It never fails to amaze me how easily offended people are over the dumbest, most benign things imaginable.

No, I'm not talking about the political cartoon from the cover of The New Yorker, I'm talking about really, truly stupid shit.

I've had people take offense that I politely decline the dessert they're serving because I simply don't like the taste of strawberries. I've had people take offense that I don't think Sarah Silverman is particularly funny. I've had people take offense that I no longer get a kick out of 'Scooby Doo' any more. I've had people get offended that I not only don't support their favorite sports team but that I'm not particularly into sports at all.

I've been in conversations where people will scream and shout and get all worked up over which is better, Beatles vs. Stones, Superman vs. Batman, Mac vs. PC...

Don't get me wrong... I'm an opinionated person (some would say TOO opinionated) but at the end of the day, isn't it a little silly to be OFFENDED by someone's opinion? You could say to me "In my opinion, you are an idiot" I would not be offended because I know that I'm not an idiot (a fool, perhaps, but not an idiot). You could say to me "In my opinion your cartoons suck" and while I would be disappointed, I would not be offended because not everyone likes the same things - just like I don't care for strawberries.

Something amazing happened recently... I was having a discussion with a friend of mine over a variety of topics, and on two of those topics we vehemently disagreed with one another on a very fundamental level. And guess what? WE'RE STILL FRIENDS! GASP! We were actually able to debate about a topic, agree to disagree and then just move on as jovially as ever.

It's getting harder and harder to have conversations like that any more because people get offended so easily. When did we all develop such tissue-thin skin? It's depressing to me because when people don't discuss their differences, it feeds into the cycle of misunderstanding that keeps our society from evolving.

I'm sure I'm guilty of it as well, but I like to think that I at least try not to let it control my life.

Anyway... that's my rant for now...

I hope I didn't offend anyone.

MY WIFE AND BOOZE: An Online Profile

Since my beloved betrothed no longer "blogs" (to her credit) and is generally too busy with "life" to waste "time" on such "nonsense," it is up to me to point out that she has been named 'Publicist of the Week' on Dan Dunn's 'The Imbiber' web site:

http://www.theimbiber.net/files/POW_Leigh_Fountain.html

For those who aren't aware, Dan Dunn has managed to make a successful career out of writing reviews about - well - booze. He travels the world critiquing wineries, bars, drink recipes, etc.

Take a moment and let that notion soak in... now take a few deep breaths and try to get over the envy.

Anyway, I think Leigh's answers to the profile questions are pretty frickin' entertaining, so give it a look-see.

Then have a drink.

HAIKU? SCREW YOU!

Look, the fact is that if I sat down to type out every random thought I had, I'd be 'blogging' (ugh) all day and all night. And the other fact is, I am aware of the fact that nobody really reads anyone else's blog - and that's fine...

But some of my random thoughts compel me to throw them out there just so that I can rest easy in knowing that I have taken a stand on something vitally important.

And, thus, I pose the question to YOU - the non-reader: "Haikus"... what the HELL?!?

Some Japanese poet decided one day that creating a poem - with no pressure towards rhyming - that has five syllables, then seven syllables, then five syllables is some sort of really impressive, mystical, ancient artform. And we've all accepted it! Blindly!

Am I the only one out there with the stones to stand up and call 'time out!' on this? Apparently so.

Well, let me tell YOU, mister, you can't just 'decide' that something has artistic merit just because you say so! It's not fair! Hell, if that were true, I could decide that inept watercolor paintings of moose were the epitome of artistic achievement and then just call it a day.

In fact, I've decided just now that creating a poem with no more than three syllables is the height of artistic achievement. You can't argue. I've already decided. It's called a 'John-ku'. Here's my contribution:

Eat. My. Ass.

There. Now I will go down in history as an artistic visionary and mystical figure.

I'll even dare to out-do myself. I'll arbitrarily invent ANOTHER poetic device: A poem that consists of forty-eight syllables, then two syllables, then one-hundred and seventy-three syllables. I'll call such poetry "Saggy Britches."
Now go off and write a Saggy Britches to prove to your intellectual friends how deep and mystical you are! BE THE FIRST! I DARE YOU!!!

BAM! Two - count 'em - TWO highly mystical poetic devices created in the span of a couple of minutes. If I don't go down in history as a greater artist than DaVinci then something's just not right.

UPDATE: Just for the sake of clarity, I'd like to point out that this post is intended purely as satire... I haven't posted the comments, but I think more than a few folks thought I was being serious. For the record, almost NOTHING I post here will be intended to be taken seriously. Thank you. Good night. Drive safely.

A PLEA TO FANCY-PANTS RESTAURANTS

Look, I realize that I'm not a movie star or captain of industry - I'm just a cornshuckin' shitckicker hillbilly from the midwest... but I do, in fact, live here in your oh-so-important Los Angeles and I do, in fact, on occasion find myself eating at one of your upscale 'fancy' restaurants... I have put on a coat and tie so as to look appropriate for your eatery, I have paid your $10 parking fee, I have committed to purchasing your pricey food and drinks... consequently, I feel that I am entitled to certain rights and freedoms... and so I ask - nay - I BEG of you...

PUT SOME DAMNED SALT SHAKERS ON THE TABLE!!!

Leigh and I went out to dinner at this place that's supposed to be a big deal... a French restaurant that requires you to make a reservation several months in advance. To my own surprise, I've actually come to love French food, so I was looking forward to it.

So we sit down, order and await our appetizers when I notice that our table has no salt shakers. This means that I will be eating outrageously expensive food that will probably be tasty but in desperate need of a little more salt please, thank you.

I've encountered this phenomenon before... you see, the theory that these fancy-pants chefs follow is that their recipe is so 'right' that you shouldn't "NEED" to salt it.

There are SO many things wrong with this I simply don't know where to begin...

First of all, the way food tastes is an entirely subjective matter. You see, that's why you have more than one item on the menu to begin with. Not everyone LIKES Beef Marrow with Ox-Tail jam, so you also offer several alternatives. If everyone had the exact same taste buds and if the chef's judgement were so omnipotently flawless, there would be no need for more than one menu item at all.
So, yes, you - in your egotistical splendor - may believe that you put enough salt in the recipe already, but the fact is, you put enough salt in the recipe FOR YOU. NOT FOR ME.
I mean, what if clothing designers decided to make pants in only one size? "I shouldn't have to make other sizes... people should just fit into my designs as they are!" IT'S FASCISM, DAMMIT!

What's even MORE confusing to me is that while there were no salt shakers on the table, but there WERE pepper shakers! So lemme get this straight, Mister Fancy-Pants-Chef... you concede that there are occasions wherein it is conceivable that someone may wish to have pepper and may, consequently, make an individualized choice of just how MUCH pepper they want on their food... you affirm that this possibility exists and you accommodate for it by offering pepper shakers... but NOT WITH SALT?!?! HUH?! WHA-?!?

This is a sore subject with me because every time I eat - any time, any place, practically every day for my 37 years of life - someone feels compelled to comment on my use of salt. "Wow... you sure do use a lot of salt" they say. After hearing it for the eighty seven trillionth time, my inclination to politely chuckle and make some lighthearted joke about high blood pressure has eroded away completely. In the interest of avoiding a major altercation, I resist the urge to reply with something along the lines of "Wow! What an astute observation! How lucky I am to be in the presence of such greatness! I bow to your perceptive prowess! ALL HAIL THE NOTICER OF HOW MUCH SALT I USE!!!"

Over the course of the last few years I have taken great strides to 'eat better.' I eat more green vegetables, I've eliminated fried food, I take my vitamins every day, drink copious amounts of water, I work out, etc. etc. etc. etc.
But I intend to cling to my salt for as long as I can.

So just put the shaker on the table and everyone shut up about it. Thank you. Have a nice day.

WORKING FROM HOME

Through various twists and turns in fate, I have found myself working from home for the last several months - I'll go into more detail about that later, 'cause what I'm working on deserves its own post...
Now, this is not the FIRST time I've been on a hiatus from the day-to-day hustle and bustle of the nine-to-five workaday world, but it never fails to fascinate me how isolation from the 'normal' ebb and flow of society can effect one's demeanor.
Since Leigh still works a regular job, I make a point to try and get some of the errands done like drycleaning, grocery shopping, etc. This gets me out of the house now and then, but there are stretches where I will come to my senses and realize that a week has flown by and I haven't really left the house except to walk the dogs.
Consequently, the other day I had to go drive to the market after one such stretch and sitting in my car, turning the ignition, driving away - it all seemed so ALIEN!
I mean, my brain sorta snapped back into place after a couple of minutes - but that initial stint of xenophobia was trippy. My car's seat felt so COLD! And then, of course, at the market I had to actually INTERACT with people! THAT was even MORE of a shock to my system.
I guess I would liken the whole thing to sitting in a position that makes your leg fall asleep and then standing up and trying to walk on it again... the sensation is weird... not necessarily unpleasant, but extremely odd... and as your leg slowly wakes up you become acutely aware of its presence.
Anyway - that's my observation for the day... I have some chores to do that will force me to make contact with the rest of you humans again.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE... LOVE

Ah Love... what a funny little bugger.

So, starting today, I begin what will be a yearly triumvirate of doting and gift-giving. You see, today - of course - is Valentine's Day, the day after tomorrow is Leigh's Birthday, and the day after THAT is our wedding anniversary (our first).

Now, the good news is, it makes it REALLY easy for me to remember all of those important dates (plus a carry a flash-card in my wallet just in case). But it's quite an insane amount of celebrating to do in less than a week.

The other good news is, of course, that I'm madly in love with my wife and grow moreso every day. It's actually kind of creepy. As I wrote in her Valentine's card this year, it really is a good thing we got married or I would have wound up stalking her.

Get this... it's been a full year since the wedding and we STILL haven't ordered our official batch of wedding photos. I'm sure there are still 'thank you' cards waiting to be sent out as well. Yeesh.
Speaking of the thank-you cards, here's a rare 'temp-foto' from the wedding which illustrates the MAIN reason to have a lot of people at the nuptials: PRESENTS!


We made out like bandits. I think we should get divorced and then re-married every coupla years just for the swag.

Anyway - I wish we could have had about a billion more people at the reception 'cause it was quite the rockin' poppin' good time.
Here's another temp-foto to show what I mean...


I'm so proud of our wedding for so many reasons that if I get started I'll never stop boasting... and it was pretty much all Leigh's doing. To keep it short, I will simply say that our wedding was unapologetically 'US'.

Much like our marriage thus far, we do things our own way. Sometimes that makes things crazy and hard to predict, but it makes things marvelously and unceasingly entertaining. We have fun.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know... it's a 'boo-SHWA' and ultra-commercialized holiday... but what holidays AREN'T any more? Give in to it and put your own spin on it.

'HOLY CRAP! AN UPDATE!' with bonus feature: 'WHY I LOVE ZOMBIE MOVIES'

Look, I know I've fallen way behind on posting here. It wouldn't surprise me the slightest if no one ever reads this. But, let's face it, the whole blog-thing has kinda peaked already, hasn't it?

I miss the days gone by when this blog would get venomous, vicious, angry, hate-filled comments simply because I dared to post a watercolor of a moose. It made blogging worthwhile.

But, like so many novelties, the thrill seems to have worn off.

As for me, I would probably post something every day if I had the time. Random thoughts that I long to share with the world invade my brain constantly... but there just aren't enough hours in the day. The fact that I actually have a free moment to crap out this little rant is nothing short of miraculous.

Anyway... I DO, in fact, have some fairly fun cartoony-related announcements coming up... but, as is so often the case, I have to wait until ink has dried and whatnot before making any proclamations. I'm sure you'll be able to endure the suspense.

One thing I CAN tell you about is that Leigh and I just completed our third and final installment to 'the water trilogy' for the next issue of HOT MEXICAN LOVE COMICS. Stay tuned for updates.

Okay... here's the part where I make rapidfire snotty judgements on things and stuff:

'CLOVERFIELD' - What a horrible waste of time. Don't avoid it because you get motion sickness... avoid it because it's just a really awful movie.

'THE VENTURE BROTHERS' - I feel like an ass for getting in on this one so late - but my GOD what a great show.

'HALO 3' - Call me a sucker, but I can't get enough of this crap.

'PORTAL' - Easily one of the most challenging and entertainingly cerebral and creepy games I've ever played. THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!

'HALF LIFE 2' - Hey! Wow! What a fun game! I see now what all the fuss was about. Until it decided to COMPLETELY FREEZE UP ON ME!!! I don't mean it crashed, I mean it FROZE! I can't move forward in the game because it's stuck in some sort of weird 'Matrix'-esque frigging bug. SCREW YOU, 'HALF LIFE 2'!!! I HATE YOU WITH ALL THE FIRES OF HELL!!!

'FIDO' - If you love zombies, go rent this one. it's genius.

'GUNBUSTER 2' - Gainax continues to amaze me. The fact that they can continue to make shows that - narratively - make absolutely NO SENSE WHATSOEVER to me (maybe I'm dumb) yet still entrance, delight and entertain me to my core is simply amazing. They must be tapping into a part of my brain that is extremely abstract. I dunno. It's a mystery but I love it.

'AMERICAN IDOL' - A request to you people who try out for it by dressing up in goofy shit just so you can be on TV and let the judges mock you for 30 seconds: Stop it. You're pathetic. But let's be clear, you're not pathetic because you're a guy dressed as Princess Leia, you're pathetic because you have nothing better to do than go wait in some line for days on end just to be on TV.
Look, I know 'IDOL' is a dippy show... but it's pop-culture candy and I like it. I have enough 'serious media' in my life... I need something brainless like 'IDOL' to let me feel lobotomized for a little while and when you doucheholes show up with your feathered boas and tube tops it just awakens the endlessly irritated beast that lives in my head all over again.

'DEXTER' - The only show on television that NEVER, EVER disappoints me.

THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION - Please let it be over soon...

Okay... enough of that for now...

I hate posting without an illustration of some sort... so, for no particular reason, here is a zombie. Zombies are always fun to look at, right?



The missus and I love our horror movies... those of the zombie variety are of particular interest to us. In Leigh's case I think it's just that she likes watching people being eaten... but time and time again what fascinates me about zombie movies is the SURVIVAL aspect of it and watching the non-zombie characters improvise in order to survive. I love seeing people in a hopeless situation make weapons out of everyday objects and figuring out ways to hide, feed themselves and generally stay alive in a zombie apocalypse.

I think what intrigues me about the survivalism in zombie flicks is my existing preconception that, for the most part, we who live in the U.S. and other highly developed nations, have lost a lot of our 'pioneer spirit' for lack of a better phrase.

We're so used to having all of our creature comforts readily available, it makes me wonder what we would do and how we would act if they were completely taken away from us... no home, no electricity, no government to protect us.

The fact that a handful of people always seem to survive on their wits in zombie movies actually gives me a sense of optimism and hope that maybe we're not as completely lacking in self-preservation instincts as we sometimes seem to be.

Obviously I would never want any kind of apocalypse to occur, but if it did I like to fantasize about how I would get by (especially since I'm just as spoiled as the next guy if not significantly moreso). This is probably why I also love 'LOST' and why I used to really dig 'SURVIVOR'. The problem with 'SURVIVOR' is that it has always basically just been a game show. Sure, those people encounter hardships and dangers, but they're not really out in the wilderness on their own... there's camera crews and stuff everywhere. No one's really facing death.

Anyway... that's it for now. I'll try to update more, but 'life' gets priority.

THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!

BUY FOUNTAIN'S PEN PRODUCTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS! C'MON! DO IT!

There's really only one way to show the special people in your life how much you care: BUY THEM LOTS OF STUFF FROM FOUNTAIN'S PEN PRODUCTIONS!

T-SHIRTS! HATS! UNDERWEAR! ALL ADORNED WITH MY FANCY ARTWORK!


John Fountain Art Prints for sale!


BUY BIRTHDAY WISHES AT AMAZON.COM

IN DEFENSE OF OPTIMISM

I think if you took a poll among the people in my life that know me fairly well and asked them to pick one word to describe me, the word 'cynical' would undoubtedly pop up a lot (but nowhere nearly as often as 'insufferable').
This is, of course, a vibe I admittedly give off. I love to bitch, gripe and rant... having a shaved head, sinister eyebrows and a wardrobe consisting almost entirely of black stuff doesn't help.

(if I may digress for a moment - I'd like to set something straight about the black clothes once and for all: I adopted this 'style' - or lack thereof - in college after I heard that Einstien used to have seven identical suits that he wore so he'd never have to waste any effort on wondering what he was gonna wear. Einstein, of course, was brilliant... I, of course, am a dolt... but I'm smart enough to realize that having that little extra space in my brain to devote to other things like maintaining balance and controlling basic motor function is EXTREMELY useful. Suffice it to say, I've NEVER been 'introverted' or 'sullen' or 'tortured.' Nor am I 'goth'. I got nothing against goths - but I just don't have the willpower to commit to that lifestyle. Nor am I 'protesting' anything and I most CERTAINLY am not trying to look 'cool.' I'm not 'anti-fashion' but I'm obviously no slave to trends, either. I try to make myself look presentable and, at least, slightly more 'together' than the obese guy at the 7-11 wearing running shorts and a "Molly Hatchet" tank-top. My ONE fashion 'vanity' are my hats. I've honestly liked hats since infancy. Ask my parents. I don't know why exactly - I just do and, clearly, it's not gonna change. My point is, I try to maintain a healthy balance of caring about my appearance enough to not disgust the general public without being vain. Aren't you grateful to me for clearing that up?)

But, back to cynicism... I confess that a good portion of my life was spent wallowing in miserable cynicism - convinced that the world was doomed and everything sucks.

However, I have come to realize that not EVERYTHING sucks - and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me an optimist.

Maybe it's because I've found the love of my life and actually conned her into being my bride, maybe it's spiritual growth, maybe it's having puppies at home, maybe it's all of the above - but happiness IS possible in this life. It's not always guaranteed - it's like anything else... ya gotta find it yourself and work hard to keep it - but it's possible.

I think the thing that generally screws people up is that the things that give them joy are far too complex or lofty. I mean - do the math: if the thing that you want most in life is to be rich and famous (and you weren't born into either) then you basically have a 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000 chance. Now, you can pursue fame and fortune and maybe you'll get lucky (it DOES happen) but if your entire happiness hinges on it I think you're out of your friggin' mind.

Besides - look at all of the rich/famous people out there right now who are obviously the most miserable wretches on the planet.

I'm not saying people shouldn't have lofty goals or "reach for the stars" - but don't let your happiness hinge on something that may very well be forever out of your grasp.
For instance, if you enjoy singing and want to make it a career, then by all means go for it... but pursue it because you LOVE TO SING and regardless of whether or not you can make it a career, enjoy singing for yourself.

I think that far too often people are afraid to express themselves creatively because "art" has become so commercialized and slick that they forget that the arts exist because the compulsion towards creativity is something we ALL share. Not everything has to be for the purpose of selling albums or getting ratings or selling tickets.

What made me think of this was seeing the neighbor kids having a birthday party recently. They were literally dancing in the streets. They were doing "moves" to some incredibly goofy bubblegum pop music - and bravo to them.

Peasants used to sing, dance, cavort and frolic just to let off steam and celebrate a day without getting the plague. We should get back to that mentality of celebrating what we have and not constantly obsessing over getting more.

Let the "hipper-than-thou" elite have their 'coolness'... I'd rather be happy than cool (yeah, yeah... I hear you: "Oh don't worry, John... you have NO danger of being cool").

I'm not saying I'm gonna start frolicking through the streets handing out sunflowers and singing 'Kumbaya' all the time, but the fact is, being perpetually negative is the easy way out. Finding something positive to focus on when you're surrounded by awful shit takes a helluva lot more strength.

Now pardon me while I go fetch the new 'Spice Girls' CD...

HAPPY HORROR-WEEN

Yeah - I know... it's the same illustration I put up last year. But I colored it and slapped some shitty photoshop effects on it! So there. I'm awesome.
It's been an interesting week... Monday - everyone's favorite day of the week - I got outta bed (begrudgingly), got ready for work and walked out to my car only to discover that the driver's side window had been smashed in. Shattered. At first I thought a tree branch had flown through it (the winds were seriously crazy that night) - but upon closer examination it became apparent that someone had broken in and rifled through my stuff.
What's particularly frustrating about this little turn of events is that this same car got broken into (almost exactly) a year ago!
Now, the first robbers were kind enough to jimmie the lock, take a bunch of stuff, and leave the car itself basically unscathed... but they also made off with my precious Sirius Satellite Radio as well as a bunch of stuff I had in my trunk.
Monday's robbers, however, were apparently less ambitious or looking for something very specific that they didn't find 'cause they, too, rifled through my stuff but didn't take anything (what? My John Denver CDs aren't GOOD enough for you?!).
I suddenly feel shitty complaining about this 'cause right now all of Southern California is on fire and people are losing their homes... so let's just say that while it was a bummer to have a smashed-in window, I'm grateful that my home is nowhere near the fires.
Last Saturday was awesome 'cause I cashed in on my birthday present: Leigh got us tickets to see "Weird Al" Yankovic in concert.
Suffice it to say, we had a grand ole' time.
Anyway - Halloween is coming up and I can't wait. Leigh and I will be handing out candy for the first time from our house.
I'm also extremely excited about our costumes this year... I won't give it away, but it's very "high-concept"...
Stay tuned for details/photos...

GLORY!

You will all be relived to know that I finally got 'HALO 3' working (I can practically hear you breathing a sigh of relief).
Consequently, I have no time to come up with a clever blog... so just go back to Google-searching people you hated from Junior High School or e-mailing links to YouTube Videos of scenes from 'The Family Guy.'
After I finish the game I'll be back to tell you how to live your lives. Until then, just deal - okay?

RANDOM BABBLING!!!

It just seems like it's been a million years since I wrote anything, so I figure I should just blurt out some stuff...

First of all, September can NOT be over quick enough as far as I'm concerned. This month was annoying. Not horrible - just filled with annoyances.
It seems as though Leigh and I were attending no less than thirty-eight birthday parties a week. What's the deal? How come so many people were born in September?! (yeah, I know... lots of people 'celebrating' on New Year's produces many babies... it's still annoying)

So - HALO 3 came out the other day... I was all prepared... had it on reserve at Target... paid for... locked in... all set. I had just finished BIOSHOCK (quite possibly the most cerebral video game ever... viva la Ayn Rand!) so my appetite was perfectly whet to settle in with the sequel to my favorite game. Oh - and did I happen to mention that I now have a big-screen HD television? It was going to be erotic.

So I get home - put the fucker in... and my XBOX 360 decides to shit all over me and konk out. Oh - not COMPLETELY, mind you... THAT would have been far too simple. It plays OTHER games just fine, and it plays DVDs just fine... IT JUST WON'T FUCKING LOAD HALO 3 FOR SOME GODFORSAKEN REASON!!!!

Yeah yeah yeah, I returned the game figuring it was defective... this, too, would have been FAR too easy. I exchanged the four - yes - FOUR TIMES and still no go.

The only moderately good news is that the 'Box is under warranty - but that means I have to send it in and WAIT for them to repair/replace it... which will, undoubtedly, take a minimum of 4 weeks.

Meanwhile, everyone else in the world is playing HALO 3. I hate everyone else in the world. Go to hell, all of you.

Anyway - as you can tell, this has me extremely grumpy.

I was gonna bitch about other stuff (it's still impossible for me to go to the movies without wanting to murder people) but I gotta get back to work.

Since sex sells, here is a completely random drawing of a girl in a red dress.

THE TELEPHONE SCARES ME

I've come to realize lately just how desperately I hate telephones.

This is odd, because I love to talk. I love chatting. I love conversation. But phones terrify me. I hate calling people, I hate getting calls from people, I hate getting voicemail messages, I hate leaving voicemail messages (although those are slightly less awful because if I'm leaving a voicemail, it means I've fulfilled MY end of the bargain by making the call, and now all of the pressure has been passed to another unfortunate soul).

Every time the phone rings, I'm convinced it's someone calling with awful news.

Every time I call anyone and they actually answer, I'm always certain that I've called at the absolutely most abominably inconvenient time and now they hate me.

The weird thing is, I'm not one of those people who is afraid to fly on planes or get on a boat... hell, I've jumped out of an airplane... I've navigated a raft down whitewater rapids! I also don't consider myself "panicky" by nature... I've found myself in "emergency" situations before where I've remained calm and dealt with the problem without losing my head. Oh, I can be high strung depending on the circumstances, but I like to think I've gotten progressively more easy-going over the years. I'm also not one of those people who is intimidated by speaking with other people... I'm a GREAT speaker! I used to perform improv comedy in Detroit... I give lectures at schools... I can spontaneously get up in front of a crowd and make a speech and be perfectly poised and engaging...

But lord help me if the phone rings and I'm taking a nap... when I'm asleep and I hear that "alarm" go off, I get a jolt in my chest that feels like a mini-heart attack and my brain instantly assumes that the minute I pick up the receiver I'm going to hear a voice relay some message of unspeakable horrors.

What's embarassing about this is that I pride myself on being extremely rational and this phobia of mine is about as far from rational as you can get.

I suppose I could try and trace back to when I first started feeling this way about phones, but - really - what does that actually accomplish? The fact is, it's not the kind of phobia that has kept me from enjoying life or accomplishing things... I'm not SO scared of phones that I refuse to USE them... I use them constantly... it's just a bit of a struggle.

I guess the best way of labelling it (if I must) would be to call it a "nagging anxiety." It's more annoying than harmful.

Anyway... I dunno what my point is. I just felt the desire to get it off my chest. You have my blessing to make fun of me for this to your heart's content as I am fully aware of how stupid it is.

Now I gotta go return some calls...

APPARENTLY I'M SUPERMAN

Ordinarily I hate these cutesy litttle online quizzes, but I couldn't resist this one 'cause it's superheroes and I'm a big dweeb.

You basically just answer a lot of really obviously leading questions (i.e. "Do you like redheads?") and it tells you which superheroes you are most akin to.

To be honest, I'm not surprised that I came out 90% Superman 'cause I'm such a sucker for outdated concepts like "truth, justice and the American way" (similarly, I'm certain that if this were a Star Wars quiz I'd come out as Luke as opposed to Han Solo).

I'm somewhat taken aback by the fact that I'm 25% Catwoman and Wonder Woman... I'm not sure how I should feel about that...

The most pleasant surprise, though, was that apparently I'm 85% Spider-Man... so I am most alike my two favorite superheroes! Excelsior!

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 90% Spider-Man 85% Iron Man 60% Green Lantern 55% Robin 55% Supergirl 50% Batman 35% Hulk 35% Catwoman 25% Wonder Woman 25% The Flash 20%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

'CLEAN IS HAPPY'

If ever there were a time to stop by Leigh's Blog it is NOW.
Just do it. Trust me.

HOT MEXICAN LOVE 2007 IS HERE!

I know it's been torture since the last edition of HOT MEXICAN LOVE COMICS came out in which Leigh and I did our first comic-strip collaboration ("Don't Drink the Water: The Ballad of Jerry Montezuma") - but rest easy, true believers, for your agonizing wait is OVER - HOT MEXICAN LOVE COMICS 2007 is HERE and ready to exchange your cold-hard-cash for a big whopping book full of laughs, courtesy of animation's most under-rated talent!
This go-round Leigh spins another agua-themed yarn in rhyme called "Something in the Water" with illustrations by yours truly.
Here's a tease:

If you can't make it to the Comic-Con, be sure to stop by HERE and order it straight from the source!
Ariba!