BRETT RATNER IS A BRETT HACK-NER

Look, I'm sure I'm not the only nerd who is using his blog space to rip on Brett Ratner for ruining the "X-Men 3" movie, but here's the difference between me and most of them: I don't really care about 'X-Men'.
I never quite got into the X-comics for a multitude of reasons... too many characters being one of them... but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate their appeal.
Actually, for my money, I preferred the classic X-Men when it was the professor, Jean, Iceman, Beast, Cyclopse and Angel. Once it started getting into dudes throwing decks of cards around and chicks who could steal life-force, I started kinda getting bored.

Having said that, I thought the first X-movie was good. Not 'really good'... just 'good'. The second one I would say was really, really, REALLY good (one more 'really' and I woulda called it 'great').
My point is, I don't have a lifetime invested in X-men the way I do Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, The Hulk and some of my other major favorites... consequently, I feel I'm in a good position to be objective with the films.
Which brings me to my real point: "X-Men 3" is a unchartably awful film.
I'm a pretty easy sell when it comes to science fiction or fantasy... even if the story is ass, I can still get into the pretty pictures and the special effects and the things that go 'boom'. I will defend all of the 'Matrix' sequels and the 'Star Wars' prequels... So it's not like I'm a tough audience.

This leads us to only one conclusion: Brett Ratner is a truly horrible director.

The thing is, I saw 'Rush Hour' (and I think I might have seen 'Rush Hour 2' for some reason)... again, horrible movies, but Jackie Chan's fight choreography is enough to keep me from jamming a cattle prod into my urethra... it was "Red Dragon" (the "Silence of the Lambs" prequel) that gave me my first real taste of hating Ratner. Here was a film with an amazing cast, great book AND a great movie to base this updated version on, and somehow Ratner STILL managed to mess it up. Fortunately, his (snicker) 'directing' didn't completely destroy the film's enjoyability, but he sure came close.
I also made the mistake of listening to his 'commentary' on 'Dragon's DVD... my goodness what a blowhard. I just can't even describe it. If you're ever feeling suicidal but you're one reason shy of enough reasons to actually pull the trigger, listen to about 90 seconds of Ratner's commentary on the 'Red Dragon' DVD. It'll make you hate kittens.

Nonetheless, 'Red Dragon' was years ago, so I actually allowed myself to go into 'X-3' with a certain degree of cautious optimism... "Maybe the story is so good that it'll overpower Ratner's suckiness"... "Maybe Bryan Singer's style has rubbed off on him"... "Maybe he'll get really good storyboard artists"... ANYTHING... I clung to hope. Silly me.

Ratner's directing is like a black hole that sucks in anything and everything good or appealing and shatters it into nothingness... forever lost in the cold void of Ratner's ass.
Joel "I Turned The Batman Franchise Into An Episode of H.R. Puffinstuff" Schumacher must be overjoyed by "X-3" insomuch as it has the potential to draw peoples' attention away from his abominations for a while.

Ratner clearly hates X-Men fans... but he hates NON X-Men fans as well. He hates all moviegoers and lovers of film.

Brett Ratner hates you.

"X-3" was directed in such a way that if you're a die-hard fan, you'll be monumentally disappointed, saddened and even angered... if you're just a casual moviegoer, you'll be bored, confused and filled with an un-named hate (allow me to help you target that hate: RATNER!).

Major story points are glossed over as if they mean nothing, important plot developments are farted out without thought... beloved characters are treated like so much fodder - you will care nothing about any of these people portrayed in this movie.
I don't care if you still sleep in 'Wolverine Underoos', you will drown in your own indifference at this movie.The special effects are cheap, the dialogue could just as easily be delivered by a bunch of dental assistants as they could superpowered mutants, there are a total of about 4 really chincy-looking sets throughout the entire movie that look as they were shot in Stan Lee's back yard and you just get the overall impression that Ratner was told that if he brought the whole thing in under budget he'd get a bonus and then went and cut costs in half.
Halle Barry should make every movie with Brett. They're perfectly paired. That's all I'll say about her performance.

Alas, however, this movie had a great opening weekend - Ratner is rolling in cash while Lindsay Lohan massages his puffy pink feet and dreams of playing the heroine in his next blockbuster. Movie executives (possiblly the only people in the world dumber than actors) will say "Duuuuhhhrrrr-welp! It made uh whole buncha munnee! Guess that means Brett is a great duh-wreck-tor! Let's let him direct the re-make of 'Citizen Kane'!"

Sleep well tonight, Brett Ratner - go to bed with the assurance that you came along at JUST the right time... a time when people have gotten so stupid and their expectations sunken so low that someone like you can be a millionaire.

EXCELSIOR!