I've come to realize lately just how desperately I hate telephones.
This is odd, because I love to talk. I love chatting. I love conversation. But phones terrify me. I hate calling people, I hate getting calls from people, I hate getting voicemail messages, I hate leaving voicemail messages (although those are slightly less awful because if I'm leaving a voicemail, it means I've fulfilled MY end of the bargain by making the call, and now all of the pressure has been passed to another unfortunate soul).
Every time the phone rings, I'm convinced it's someone calling with awful news.
Every time I call anyone and they actually answer, I'm always certain that I've called at the absolutely most abominably inconvenient time and now they hate me.
The weird thing is, I'm not one of those people who is afraid to fly on planes or get on a boat... hell, I've jumped out of an airplane... I've navigated a raft down whitewater rapids! I also don't consider myself "panicky" by nature... I've found myself in "emergency" situations before where I've remained calm and dealt with the problem without losing my head. Oh, I can be high strung depending on the circumstances, but I like to think I've gotten progressively more easy-going over the years. I'm also not one of those people who is intimidated by speaking with other people... I'm a GREAT speaker! I used to perform improv comedy in Detroit... I give lectures at schools... I can spontaneously get up in front of a crowd and make a speech and be perfectly poised and engaging...
But lord help me if the phone rings and I'm taking a nap... when I'm asleep and I hear that "alarm" go off, I get a jolt in my chest that feels like a mini-heart attack and my brain instantly assumes that the minute I pick up the receiver I'm going to hear a voice relay some message of unspeakable horrors.
What's embarassing about this is that I pride myself on being extremely rational and this phobia of mine is about as far from rational as you can get.
I suppose I could try and trace back to when I first started feeling this way about phones, but - really - what does that actually accomplish? The fact is, it's not the kind of phobia that has kept me from enjoying life or accomplishing things... I'm not SO scared of phones that I refuse to USE them... I use them constantly... it's just a bit of a struggle.
I guess the best way of labelling it (if I must) would be to call it a "nagging anxiety." It's more annoying than harmful.
Anyway... I dunno what my point is. I just felt the desire to get it off my chest. You have my blessing to make fun of me for this to your heart's content as I am fully aware of how stupid it is.
Now I gotta go return some calls...
3 comments:
Much like you I hate the phone. I don't consider myself phobic about it, but I'll do just about anything to avoid using the phone. In my marriage, I've taken on extra responsibilities around the house (laundry, grocery shopping) just so I could talk Jen into phone calls being her responsibility. At work, if the guys want to get pizza, I'll volunteer to go drive to pick it up if someone else will call it in. When I'm on the phone with people, after about 20 seconds I'll start verbal gambits to get off, "Well, ok...." "Alright then..." "OK, I just wanted to call to say hi..." So as far as I'm concerned, you're completely normal my friend.
You make a great point, Vinman...
Whenever Leigh and I send out for pizza or Chinese food, she's the one who takes that bullet.
The phone was invented--like most other things--to be a convenience for the one who uses it. But it is NOT a convenience. It rings when I'm napping. It rings in the middle of dinner. It rings BEFORE 9:00am and AFTER 9:00pm (yes, that is still rude and I don't care if you are a night owl!)
And when it does ring it means obligation. I don't want to have to talk to you nor do I want to have to call you back just so I don't look like a schmuck.
The real issue is: do I care if I look like a schmuck? Well, yes, I do. But I don't want your problems!
And the same goes for email.
I should just blog about this!
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