VOICE SCHMOICE

Lately I've been having to do lots of what is known as 'Scratch Vocals'... basically, this means I go down to Disney's voice-recording booth and act out some of the voiceover lines as a temporary 'filler' until we can get the actual cast to cut their tracks.

This has gotten me thinking, as I often have before, about how annoying most actors are about their 'craft'.
Whenever you see posters for animated films coming out these days, they tout the 'celebrity' voices (as if knowing that @#$*!!! Jada Pinkett-Smith-Talentless-Twit is the voice of some zoo animal will increase ticket sales). Movie posters for animated films NEVER used to give the actors 'billing' because, after all - they ONLY provide the voice. The ANIMATORS count for at least 50% (if not more) of the character's acting... so it just makes no sense to put so much emphasis on the VO actors.
And yet now EVERYONE does it. Even beloved PIXAR (the only ones who DIDN'T do it until now) has given Paul Newman and Owen Wilson billing on their ads for "CARS" (which, though it looks cute, I'm significantly less excited by it than I was for'The Incredibles' - one of the best movies ever made).
But I digress... back to busting on actors...

Now, I have a handfull of acquaintances that are VO actors, and I hold them in very high regard and I have NOTHING but respect for their work... the fact is, being an EXCEPTIONAL VO actor can be very difficult... for instance, Mel Blanc (Bugs Bunny and a gazillion others), of course, is the god of that universe... Billy West (lots of characters) is great... Tom Kenny (Spongebob) and Darrin Norris (Cosmo from Fairly Oddparents)... they're all awesome and stand apart.
In fact, if I were any of them, I'd be EXTRA resentful of the Owen Wilsons and Paul Newmans and Ben Stillers and Eddie Murphys and Mike Meyers and Catherine Zeta-Jonses of the world because, let's face it: Blanc, West, Kenny and Norris all do VOICES... all of these other so-called big-shot actors just use their own voice. They don't 'create characters'... they're getting the jobs because some frustrated, starstruck animation executive wants to brush elbows with Hollywood elite.

During the buildup and hype of these films, you inevitably see interviews with the voiceover actors and they go on and on about how difficult it was because there was no set or cast around them (gee... many artists consider their 'imagination' to be their greatest tool... I guess that's not true for these actors, huh?) and how the artists would often copy their brilliant performances by watching them jabber away in the sound booths blah blah blah blah blah... basically they're all trying to make themselves sound like something more than the meat-puppets they really are.
Now, I've done some acting in my day... I took acting in college and did stand-up and improv-comedy when I lived in Detroit... I've also done a handfull of voiceovers for games and cartoons... lemme let you folks in on a little secret:
VOICEOVER ACTING IS ABOUT THE EASIEST FRIGGING THING IN THE UNIVERSE!!! You don't have to look nice, you don't have to wear makeup, you don't have to memorize lines, you can screw up a million times and it doesn't matter, YOU CAN DO IT OVER THE FRIGGING PHONE if you need to!

I did a voice a couple of years ago for "Chalk Zone" and every few months or so I'll get a check from the Screen Actor's Guild. EVERY time the cartoon airs, I get money.
Now, make no mistake, my 'role' was an extremely small part and "Chalk Zone" gets very little airplay... and yet I get money from it. JUST IMAGINE the boatloads of cash any one of these folks get for playing a MAJOR character on a cartoon that airs ALL THE TIME!

I'm telling you, it's easy money.

And, again, let me re-emphasize: I don't begrudge them their success. I resent the 'big names' who make it sound like they're such 'artistes' because they had to yammer away in a microphone using their own voices for a coupla hours.

grumble grumble grumble...