VOICE SCHMOICE

Lately I've been having to do lots of what is known as 'Scratch Vocals'... basically, this means I go down to Disney's voice-recording booth and act out some of the voiceover lines as a temporary 'filler' until we can get the actual cast to cut their tracks.

This has gotten me thinking, as I often have before, about how annoying most actors are about their 'craft'.
Whenever you see posters for animated films coming out these days, they tout the 'celebrity' voices (as if knowing that @#$*!!! Jada Pinkett-Smith-Talentless-Twit is the voice of some zoo animal will increase ticket sales). Movie posters for animated films NEVER used to give the actors 'billing' because, after all - they ONLY provide the voice. The ANIMATORS count for at least 50% (if not more) of the character's acting... so it just makes no sense to put so much emphasis on the VO actors.
And yet now EVERYONE does it. Even beloved PIXAR (the only ones who DIDN'T do it until now) has given Paul Newman and Owen Wilson billing on their ads for "CARS" (which, though it looks cute, I'm significantly less excited by it than I was for'The Incredibles' - one of the best movies ever made).
But I digress... back to busting on actors...

Now, I have a handfull of acquaintances that are VO actors, and I hold them in very high regard and I have NOTHING but respect for their work... the fact is, being an EXCEPTIONAL VO actor can be very difficult... for instance, Mel Blanc (Bugs Bunny and a gazillion others), of course, is the god of that universe... Billy West (lots of characters) is great... Tom Kenny (Spongebob) and Darrin Norris (Cosmo from Fairly Oddparents)... they're all awesome and stand apart.
In fact, if I were any of them, I'd be EXTRA resentful of the Owen Wilsons and Paul Newmans and Ben Stillers and Eddie Murphys and Mike Meyers and Catherine Zeta-Jonses of the world because, let's face it: Blanc, West, Kenny and Norris all do VOICES... all of these other so-called big-shot actors just use their own voice. They don't 'create characters'... they're getting the jobs because some frustrated, starstruck animation executive wants to brush elbows with Hollywood elite.

During the buildup and hype of these films, you inevitably see interviews with the voiceover actors and they go on and on about how difficult it was because there was no set or cast around them (gee... many artists consider their 'imagination' to be their greatest tool... I guess that's not true for these actors, huh?) and how the artists would often copy their brilliant performances by watching them jabber away in the sound booths blah blah blah blah blah... basically they're all trying to make themselves sound like something more than the meat-puppets they really are.
Now, I've done some acting in my day... I took acting in college and did stand-up and improv-comedy when I lived in Detroit... I've also done a handfull of voiceovers for games and cartoons... lemme let you folks in on a little secret:
VOICEOVER ACTING IS ABOUT THE EASIEST FRIGGING THING IN THE UNIVERSE!!! You don't have to look nice, you don't have to wear makeup, you don't have to memorize lines, you can screw up a million times and it doesn't matter, YOU CAN DO IT OVER THE FRIGGING PHONE if you need to!

I did a voice a couple of years ago for "Chalk Zone" and every few months or so I'll get a check from the Screen Actor's Guild. EVERY time the cartoon airs, I get money.
Now, make no mistake, my 'role' was an extremely small part and "Chalk Zone" gets very little airplay... and yet I get money from it. JUST IMAGINE the boatloads of cash any one of these folks get for playing a MAJOR character on a cartoon that airs ALL THE TIME!

I'm telling you, it's easy money.

And, again, let me re-emphasize: I don't begrudge them their success. I resent the 'big names' who make it sound like they're such 'artistes' because they had to yammer away in a microphone using their own voices for a coupla hours.

grumble grumble grumble...

LECTURE

Believe it or not, I occasionally get paid to go around and lecture about what a pain the animation industry is.
If this sort of self-stylized masochism is your bag and you intend to be in Eugene, Oregon between May 12-14th, then look me up.
For More details go to www.eugenefilmfest.org

HUGE NEWS!!!

You people are NOT going to believe this! The Red Hot Chilli Peppers have a new ablum out and - get this - it's got a song on it about California!!!
But HERE'S the part that's REALLY gonna blow your mind: It's got a song about how L.A. is all shallow and awful and stuff!
Can you believe it? I just can't fathom how much they've evolved as a band over the last twelve years.
Wow.
Look, fellas, no one hates L.A. more than I do right now, but here's the big difference between you guys and the rest of us doomed souls who live here: YOU'RE MILLIONAIRES! BUY A HOUSE IN VALENCIA OR MADDISSON WISCONSIN AND SHUT UP ALREADY!!!
Yeah, yeah... we GET it... L.A. is full of shallow people and drugs... you must really hate shallow people and drugs to have stayed rock stars for so long.
I used to like RHCP, but they've officially lost me now.
I'm sure they'll be devastated when they hear the news.

IN STORES NOW... HOT MEXICAN LOVE!

-BURBANK- House of Secrets - 1930 W Olive Ave, Burbank, CA 91506 (818) 562-1900

-HOLLYWOOD- Meltdown - 7522 Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood, California 90064 (323)851-7223

-GLENDALE- Legacy Comics - 123 West Wilson, Glendale, CA. 91203 (818) 247-8803

-PASADENA- Comics Factory - 1298 E Colorado Blvd, Pasadena, 91106 (626) 585-0618

-SANTA MONICA- Hi De Ho Comics (& Books with Pictures) - 525 Santa Monica Boulevard, Santa Monica CA 90401
310-394-2820

-SHERMAN OAKS- Earth 2 - 15017 Ventura Blvd., Sherman Oaks, CA 91403 (818) 386-9590

-STUDIO CITY- ComicSmash! - 11824 Ventura Blvd, Studio City, CA 91604 (818) 761-3753


This issue features a strip drawn by me and written by my fiancee Leigh (whom I believe I've mentioned before)... but it's jam packed with lots of other great stuff as well - so your money is wisely spent on this paper treasure!

What's that? You say you DON'T live in Los Angeles? Well, first of all, consider yourself lucky. Secondly, encourage your local comic book shop to contact me via FOUNTAINSPEN@AOL.COM so that they can order a gazillion copies!

Here's another snippet from me'n'Leigh's contribution...

SUPERFAST PAINTING

I had a very prolific weekend for painting... all in all, I think I must've done at least eight paintings. Most of them are pretty smalll - like these (8.5 by 10) and they were done with the intent of being 'loose', but I gotta say I'm pretty thrilled with the effects. They may seem sloppy, but I had a blast making them.

PROFESIONALISM IS OVERRATED

It's a beautiful Easter Sunday, and I just spent the last 2 hrs sitting on my porch drawing out pages for the new comic-book I hope to premier at either this year or next year's ComiCon (frankly, I have enough repressive deadlines in my life without imposing one on myself - so I'm not sure when I'll be done with it) and I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun drawing.
The animation industry (curse it to hades) has a way of making you hate drawing. I wake up dreading that I'll have to draw.
But after drawing out two panels in my sketchbook, all of that dread has been erased. I'm a happy camper.
And this may be the booze talking (I had a vodka tonic), but "doing it right" is far less enjoyable than "doing it fun".
I just darkened in lines to my sketchy, ultra-rough layouts and I couldn't be more thrilled with them. I wasted no time worrying about whether my characters were "on model" or whether or not the perspective was perfect... I just did it and did it in a way that was fun for ME.
Life's just too short not to enjoy your own creativity. I've spent far too much of my life already worrying about whether or not I was "good" and comparing myself to my peers.
I'm not saying that drawing things in a 'professional' way doesn't have it's place... I wouldn't have a job otherwise (and jops are handy for providing food, shelter and ultra-violent video games) - but if you're making something for your own enjoyment, take this little tip from Uncle John - stop worrying about whether or not you're doing it 'right' and just do it.
That's my little bit of zen enlightenment for today.
Happy Easter, Passover, or just happy-day-off-from-work.

WWW.LEIGHHOPE.BLOGSPOT.COM

I'm devoting today's page to letting everyone know that Leigh (my fiancee, collaborator and defender) has a blog now as well.
What you will undoubtedly discover is that her writings are much more entertaining than mine - and her blog will undoubtedly have multiple cute photos of our dog Otto... that, alone, is reason enough to go there.
Plus, I'm sure you can count on many paragraphs about what a jerk I am - which always makes for entertaining reading.
Take it away, hon!

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

For reasons I don't fully understand, people have informed me that they've been unable to post comments for the past couple of weeks.
Regardless, I think I've fixed the problem.
Whenever there's a problem like this on my blog, you can be certain that it has a lot to do with the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with this stuff.
But, as a reward for your patience, here's a drawing of a hot girl.
Now scroll down and catch up with your snide remarks.

START SPREADIN' DI-SEASE!

This is a caricature of me'n'Leigh I drew on the back of the vomit bag during our flight from NY to LA.
Oy and quadruple OY... where do I begin?
Okay, so our trip to Kalamazoo was an absolute delight - everything went great. But once we set down in NY, it was a slow descent into the depths of hell for me'n'Leigh...
I honestly don't know where to begin... I may have Leigh put it into writing since she's better at telling the whole story than I am - but here's a condensed version:
Soon after arriving, the stress of Leigh's job (she was there for a work-related event that she was coordinating... I was tagging along) caused her to get bleforitis (or something) which is basically and INFECTION OF THE EYES causing them both to swell up like an alien egg-sac with pus and gunk.
So she winds up having to go see a doctor and gets put on this complex regiment of antibiotics and eyedrops, etc. etc. etc. Meanwhile, she has to keep working.
About a day later, I start feeling sick yet AGAIN (those of you who follow this blog may recall that this is now my THIRD time being sick in the past 2 months).
Just as her eyes are clearing up, my temperature starts to rise, I have these incredibly painful coughing fits, and I'm soaked with a cold sweat.
Before you know it, my temperature reaches a whopping 103.1... generally one would be hospitalized with a temp this high, but I refused seeing as how I knew that going to the hospital and sitting in a waiting room for ten hours would just make matters worse. Leigh's doctor diagnoses that I basically have a sinus infection that was on the verge of becoming pneumonia.
Leigh, with her network of connections, got me on antibiotics right away, but the fever was slow in breaking and I was delirious and miserable.
As my days of suffering go by, I start to improve slightly each day... then Leigh almost gets mugged by some random attacker in the middle of the day on the streets of NY. Fortunately, Leigh is tough as nails and warded him off heroically (again, I'll save the details for later).
Then SHE starts showing symptoms of the same horrible infections I had.
So by Monday, when we fly home, we're both in utter misery... we get to LA and the airline (YOU SUCK, UNITED!!!!) can't seem to figure out how to open the door to the luggage compartment, so we have to sit and wait in the airport for another hour and a half while they try to figure out the complex mechanics of opening a door. We're both sweating, tired, drugged-up, sniffling, sneezing, hacking and dripping mucas.
After we finally get our stuff, we run out to a cab - relieved to finally be closer to home and anxious to beat rush-hour traffic - and tell the guy to take us to Burbank. He replies "Where is that?" THIS IS AN LAX CAB DRIVER AND HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE BURBANK IS!!!
So he drives around in circles for about 45 minutes until he finally figures out where the freeway onramp is. He then proceeds to take us (inexplicably) to Hollywood (this was after he had consulted his Thomas Guide and - we thought - figured out how to get to Burbank). We yell at him and direct him through surface roads to get us back home. The cab ride was over $100.
Again, this is a VERY abbreviated account of our trip, but in a nutshell: IT ALL SUCKED!
L.A. CABDRIVERS SUCK! UNITED ARILINES SUCKS! FLU VIRUSES SUCK!

SLAVES OF NY

Leigh and I are in NY after spending several days in Kalamazoom, and I gotta say - you can make fun of midwestern small-towns all you want, but we had a GREAT time there.
Honestly, I DO love NY and LA, but they really need to 'get over themselves'...
Yes, they're super cool, but Kalmazoo has lots and lots of character.
Anyway, I've had several gin'n'tonics and I've slept about 3 hrs in the past 5 days. Ao I'm gonna go... hope all of you are well.

AA MEETING

Also known as the "Animation Dinner with Ira."
My good pal Ira (seen here in the polka-dotten shirt) occassionally arranges these post-work dinner meetings where a bunch of animators get together and discuss the beloved industry we all work for.
Being the restless and obnoxious type that I am, I decided to do REALLY fast ink sketches of everyone at the table.
I shant reveal identities because then I know everyone will just write me and say "That looks nothing LIKE me!"
While Ira's intentions, I'm sure, are to use these as an opportunity to 'network' and 'share info', I rely on it purely as group-therapy that helps me tolerate some of the nonsense we all have to deal with in a field that's at the butt-end of the entertainment industry.

KALAMAZOO-BOUND

This weekend, Leigh and I are leaving on a 10-day journey that will take us across the skies to Kalamazoo and - ultimately - to New York City. Leigh's got some humungous work-related bash going on there... I dunno... she can explain it better.
Regardless, this trip to Kalamazoo will be Leigh's introductory visit with my parents - which I'm sure will be delightful and all, but flying from ANYWHERE to Kalamazoo is a carnival of horrors. It requires multiple layovers and connection flights - I don't even want to go into it all.
I'm looking forward to the trip, but not the traveling.
Anyway, coupla new posts below... take a look.

NASAL-SPRAY JUNKIE

Remember my "sick and tired of being sick and tired" post a couple of weeks ago? Well, a few days after feeling better from the flu, I got the world's worst COLD! I was actually fairly convinced that it was a sinus infection. The entire inside of my head and throat felt as if it had been invaded by some sort of microscopic alien creatures (pronounced kreee-CHOREs) who were building vast empires of mung in my nasal cavities.

After a shitty weekend of this I went to the doctor last Tuesday and got some really nifty pills that seemed to relieve the symptoms and give me REALLY messed-up dreams including one in which I was a flying orca whale.

Maybe that's boring to you, but I rarely have 'surreal' dreams... unfortunately, my dreams are seldom 'fantasies'. They're always extremely realistic and grounded pretty heavily in reality. Which sucks.

The only semi-recurring dream I have is one of flying - which is as 'crazy' as my dreams usually get... but even in those dreams, my flying ability isn't like 'Superman'-style... it is somehow justified as some sort of natural, physically evolutionary development, and it usually takes some sort of 'effort' on my part to do it (kinda like flexing a muscle).
This makes the dream much more 'real', and all the more of a disappointment when I wake up to find that I can't actually fly.

But I digress...

During my bout with whatever flesh-eating virus had made its home in my nose, I discovered the wonders of NASAL SPRAY! I'd never used it before and - initially - found the sensation of shooting a wet mist up my schnozz to be irritating and off-putting.
But about 15 minutes later, my sinuses opened up so well I swear I could SMELL GOD!

Leigh informed me that you shouldn't use the stuff for more than a couple of days because it can actually be addictive, which I now fully understand... after snorting this stuff a few times, I could breathe better than I ever could even when I WASN'T sick.

C'est la vie.

HOT MEXICAN LOVE

SHAMELESS PROMOTION TIME!
Many years ago, long before I moved to Los Angeles, a bunch of artists in the animation industry said "Hey, let's do a comic anthology" - and thus, some of cartoondom's top talent went to work on a series of strips that all related (some very loosely) to a Mexican theme. Out of this, 'Hot Mexican Love' was born thanks to the initiative of Albert Calleros, Larry Reynosa and Rob Goodin.
In the years that have passed, two volumes were created, and I am pleased to announce that a third volume has been compiled (thanks to my good pal and editor Ira Sherak) and will premier at the Alternative Press Expo on April 9th & 10th in lovely San Francisco, California.
The list of contributors are a 'who's who' of animation talent and I am proud to say that I and my lovely fiancee Leigh are among them.
Our story - written by Leigh and drawn by me - chronicles the legend of 'Montezuma's revenge' (the scatalogical phenomenon one experiences from drinking the water in Mexico).
This story actually marks our SECOND collaboration together (the first of which is in publishing limbo... but that's another story). We hope you like it...
I'll have more details about where/how/when you can obtain copies of the book, but until then if you wish feel free to e-mail me and I will make sure you get the hook-up.
The heart-logo above is the graphic 'teaser' for 'Hot Mexican Love' (copyright and trademark Hot Mexican Love Comics) and highlights a handfull of the art - the drawings below are a couple of samples from Me'n'Leigh's story.
Stay tuned for more info in the near future - you'll be glad you did!

ANTICIPATING APRIL

I'm really excited about April. I can't really say why at the moment - but it has something to do with this drawing (this particular image was a collaborative effort between myself, Cynthia French and Holly Kim - who did the amazing coloring on it).
It's one of those 'bittersweet' anticipations... but I'm excited nonetheless.
Anyway... I just wanted an excuse to post this image because I think it's rad.

SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED

I'm sick... and tired.
I feel as though for the past month and a half I've had maybe three days where I haven't felt sick. Right now I feel like I'm fighting off a cold... last week I had the flu...
I've been waking up every morning with achy joints and sore muscles (such as they are). I can't seem to get enough sleep - EVER.
Leigh thinks it's stress... she's probably right, but if I could just switch my stress 'off' I'd have done it a long time ago.
I've always felt that I have a mild case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder... some would say that it's not so mild... I'd try to 'do' something about it if it weren't for the fact that my OCD seems to make me REALLY GOOD at managing my time and prioritizing my goals.
Here's an example of how my brain works... while I'm driving home from work, I will plot out my exact course from the second I walk in the door. Let's say I've decided to have spaghetti for dinner... that means I have to boil water... let's also say I have to go to the bathroom really badly... so I get home and before I even take off my coat, I go to the kitchen, fill up a pot with water and put it on the stove... THEN I will go take off my coat, THEN go to the bathroom... I have just saved myself aproxomately nine seconds of valuable time by overlapping my coat/bathroom time with the water-boiling time.
I work this way CONSTANTLY. And that's just one example of how my OCD works with SMALL things... you can just imagine how it dictates more important matters.
On the one hand, it has made me GREAT at meeting my deadlines... on the other hand, it has made me really uptight. I have a whole 'shutting down' ritual I have to go through every night to turn off my brain or I can't sleep.
It's no wonder I'm sick.
Anyway, it's this kind of mania that inspired this comic strip. If you click on the image it'll be large enough to actually read.

SKETCHY BEHAVIOR

Here are some really quick paintings I did in my sketchbook. I love sketches... a lot of times I like sketches more than finished art.
These were done with one of those marvelous brush-pens and a travel watercolor kit.
What's nice about watercolor is that it has an immediacy and kinneticism to it that other paints don't have... plus, when you can't draw for shit (like me) it makes your doodles look like they were 'meant' to look rough.

I first decided to put sketchbook scans up on the blog when I saw them on Louie Del Carmen's blog (randomanomalies.blogspot.com) and thought they looked incredibly cool... now, in retrospect, I realize that I've just set myself up for a horrifyingly disappointing comparison... oh well... enjoy these drawings, but if you wanna see really GOOD stuff, go to Louie's blog. He's my hero.

OSCAR MADNESS

Ah, the Oscars... the big night where Hollwyood gathers together to collectively pat itself on the back for mastering the fine art of 'pretending on film'...

But I kid Hollywood...

I LOVE movies, I just hate the movie industry. Or something. I dunno. I guess that's kind of hypocritical. Oh well.

I thought John Stewart did a good job, but I've always dug him.

Frankly, though, in the past decade I thought the two best hosts were Steve Martin and David Letterman.

The good news is, "Wallace and Grommit" got the award for best animated feature... how come the media always makes such a big deal about how 'CGI is replacing traditional animation' and yet I didn't see ANY stories about the fact that this year there were NO CGI nominees and TWO of the THREE nominees were STOP-MOTION animation???

I'm really tired of the 'animated characters' giving out awards, too... they have live-action directors give out awards... why not animation directors?

Oh, that's right... because we suck...

Anyway...

I liked Clooney's speech... he's a class act and oh-so easy on the eyes!

I'm glad "Crash" won because I liked it and it's the only one of the nominees that I actually saw. I eventually want to see ALL of them, but there are just too many good (and bad) horror and gore movies coming out these days - how am I supposed to find the time to go see "Brokeback Mountain" when "Hostel" and "Wolf Creek" beckon me and tempt my desire to see humans hunted for sport? (oh, c'mon... it's a joke... lighten up)

My biggest complain of the show was when the woman sang the song from Crash (I'm too busy and too lazy to look up names) and they had this incredibly gay 'broadway-style' production going on in the background of people pantomiming - what - the ills of race relations in our society? IN PANTOMIME?
During one of the closeups I saw one of the background dancers who was (or was portraying) a 'hispanic' character complete with greased back hair and hairnet. The rest of the background dancers were similarly stereotypical.
Wasn't the point (or one of them) of "Crash" that we are all our own best/worst stereotypes? And yet for their little Oscar number they might as well have had a Native American in full headdress 'whoo-whoo'-ing to complete their chorus line of stereotypes.

I've also read articles this year that praised Hollywood for producing movies of "substance" - unlike previous years with the horrid likes of "The Lord of the Rings" and "Spider-Man".

Hey, pretentious-art-school-dropout-entertainment-writers... I got yer 'substance' RIGHT HERE! (pointing at crotch for some reason).

Oh well... the only other upset for me was that "Revenge of the Sith" got no nominations - not even for music, effects or anything like that.

Funny, isn't it, how Star Wars has shaped our popular culture more than any other film in the past umpteen decades and yet somehow the Academy still manages to see no merit in them.

This is one of my worst, most incoherent blog entries to date. I'm really tired. I'm stopping now.

SHUT UP!!!

Don't you people EVER shut up?
I don't mean YOU people... you people are obviously solid citizens because you're reading my blog.

I mean the people who NEVER shut up.

In the apartment complex I call "home" it seems as though there are always people standing outside my window yammering it up at 3 AM. I'm not just talking about on weekends, either... I'm slightly more forgiving of that... but it'll be 3:37 AM on a Tuesday and there will be two, drunken, fratboy chuckleheads whooping it up outside.

The way this complex is laid out, it has several concrete 'courtyards' all of which may as well have 'Marshall' stamped on them because they amplify sound to the point where if a cockroach takes a dump, I can tell what he had for dinner by its impact onto the ground.

Tonight, by the way, it was "Koo Koo Roo" chicken wings and human snot.

But I digress...

You can well imagine that if the sounds of cockroach crap are hear-able (yes... 'hear-able'... it's 4:21 AM on a Wednesday and I feel like death, so just deal with it) then you can just imagine how chrystal clear every "DUDE!" from fratboy conversation echoes through the cul-de-sacs...

The thing I don't get is: WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS HOUR ON A SCHOOL NIGHT? DON'T YOU HAVE JOBS? AREN'T YOU TIRED?

My apartment complex is NOT cheap... HOW DO THEY PAY THEIR RENT??? I direct cartoons for Disney and I barely get by every month... how do they DO it???

And trust me, these are not blue-collar joes trying to put food on the table for their salt-of-the-earth families by taking a night-shift... these are pink, healthy, manicured young folk who obviously live off of some sort of new-money parental trust-fund.

Anyway, I'm thinking of becoming a 'noise vigilante' who dresses like Batman at night and runs around abducting these types and locking them in a Dodge Stratus with "Convoy" playing on a continuous loop with the volume at full blast and letting them rot there until the car battery runs out.

Okay, not really, but it's fun to dream...

ENTERTAINMENT WEAKLY

Hey...
I just read a couple of 'entertainment news' headlines...
It would seem that Lindsay Lohan is tired of being referred to as a 'teen queen'...
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
It also seems that there's a sex-tape circulating with Kid Rock and he's upset because 'rock stars have rights to privacy too!'
DOUBLE-AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Celebrities in general just kinda make me ill these days. They're so self-important and convinced that because they can scream into a microphone or pretend-to-be-someone-else in a movie that their opinions actually matter.

Make no mistake, people, for the most part celebrities are the most rock-stupid people on the face of the earth.

The only difference between "According to Jim" and the puppet show in the park is BUDGET.

Have you ever noticed how self-referrential the entertainment industry is?
Sometime, try to think of all of the TV shows that star characters who are - in some way - involved in the entertainment industry.
There's a lot.
It's sad to me that America seems to have lost interest in 'regular' people. We watch TV shows about TV shows. Where are the Archie Bunkers? Where are the Fred Sanfords?

Regular people are generally WAY more interesting than show-biz people.